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Lilith
Lilith
Follow Lilith, our feisty heroine, through a single day as she engages in conversations with her guardian nature spirits and makes realizations about relationships, love, and her childhood. This transcendent story takes us on a trip throughout flashbacks, memories, and dreams inspired by a chance meeting with a man in an Italian Market cheese shop. Take a Sunday stroll with the pair through the streets of South Philadelphia and listen in on their conversation. Time skews as parallel universes collide, creating a tight folding-in upon itself like the creases of a well-crafted burrito. Stories within stories are woven in reckless abandon until every moment converges as a single point in space. All existence magically becomes the present moment, proving that there is no such think as time.
0Paranormal fiction / Magic realism
Ambika Devi (United States)
From: Lilith
a novel
Part I
Receptivity
The Divine Feminine.
She is earthy and mysterious and often funky.
We must love her, for our being is truly a gift of her body!
Chapter I
Acceptance
The sacred mirror.
The oversized wooden rocking chair creaked against the gritty ground. Sounds peaked rhythmically like the squeals of a cat trapped in a dryer set on fluff. A tiny dark-haired figure of a woman stared out into the vastness of space, dwarfed by the enormity of the rocker. Above her head, mammoth leaves the size of Cuban getaway rafts created cooling shade, relieving the heated thoughts steaming her mind. Slender fingers tapped a systematic Morse code on the oversized book she held in her lap. Tinks and clicks rang eerily from the binding, rattling the book’s ornate metal embossed design. The steady, ominous beat marched like tribal feet moving in, closer to the kill.
Misty eyes scanned the watery horizon as gentle rain fogged the windows of her tear-streaked heart. She sat alone on the tiny little island, staring out at the horizon. In spite of the great emptiness she felt inside, she realized she had indeed made the right decision. Now the only thing left to do was to make peace with this seclusion, for she believed she had traded earthly love for Goddess wisdom—or so it had seemed in the negotiation.
The outline of a tall, dark lover materialized in the screen of her third eye as the rocking chair creaked. Tap-tap-tapping her fingers, the corners of her mouth curled and her tongue recalled the taste of oregano and heirloom tomatoes. The smell became real as a male apparition gently placed a bowl of spaghetti alla vodka sprinkled with fresh herbs before his dark feminine honcha. Once in her grasp, the dark angel took two very cautious steps back, awaiting her approval.
The shadow feline took the bowl and placed it on top of her book. A question mark formed on her brow, and she asked the Gandharva, “Why on earth have you chosen to bring me this? Semolina pasta is the last thing I long for. You know what it does to my digestive tract!”
“What, then, wilt thou have, my she-line,” growled the sable cherub as he snatched the bowl back, causing a bit of the sauce to splash onto the thick, dark cover of the book. He quickly whipped out a crisp handkerchief from an invisible breast pocket and, with eyes turned downward, wiped the red slurry away.
“You are kidding, right?” she snapped in bitter admonishment, her mouth flicking ashes of disdain. She continued, “If we are to converse on these mystery visits of yours, at least use a street version of your Anglospeak. I know you have many more styles to choose from.”
“Right on,” replied the creature. He appeared to be leaning on an invisible wall. His face projected the taste of lemons and stink at which the tiny woman rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically.
“Got it,” he retorted in a much more businesslike manner. “Perhaps a visual, then?” With that, he waved his arm like a game show hostess. A giant screen the size of a ballpark formed in the distance out over the water. The cosmic monitor blipped a series of colored sparks and then fizzed into dynamic view. There, glowing in RGB and LED, a male shape took form. There he was in 64-bits of color—there was Donny.
a novel
Part I
Receptivity
The Divine Feminine.
She is earthy and mysterious and often funky.
We must love her, for our being is truly a gift of her body!
Chapter I
Acceptance
The sacred mirror.
The oversized wooden rocking chair creaked against the gritty ground. Sounds peaked rhythmically like the squeals of a cat trapped in a dryer set on fluff. A tiny dark-haired figure of a woman stared out into the vastness of space, dwarfed by the enormity of the rocker. Above her head, mammoth leaves the size of Cuban getaway rafts created cooling shade, relieving the heated thoughts steaming her mind. Slender fingers tapped a systematic Morse code on the oversized book she held in her lap. Tinks and clicks rang eerily from the binding, rattling the book’s ornate metal embossed design. The steady, ominous beat marched like tribal feet moving in, closer to the kill.
Misty eyes scanned the watery horizon as gentle rain fogged the windows of her tear-streaked heart. She sat alone on the tiny little island, staring out at the horizon. In spite of the great emptiness she felt inside, she realized she had indeed made the right decision. Now the only thing left to do was to make peace with this seclusion, for she believed she had traded earthly love for Goddess wisdom—or so it had seemed in the negotiation.
The outline of a tall, dark lover materialized in the screen of her third eye as the rocking chair creaked. Tap-tap-tapping her fingers, the corners of her mouth curled and her tongue recalled the taste of oregano and heirloom tomatoes. The smell became real as a male apparition gently placed a bowl of spaghetti alla vodka sprinkled with fresh herbs before his dark feminine honcha. Once in her grasp, the dark angel took two very cautious steps back, awaiting her approval.
The shadow feline took the bowl and placed it on top of her book. A question mark formed on her brow, and she asked the Gandharva, “Why on earth have you chosen to bring me this? Semolina pasta is the last thing I long for. You know what it does to my digestive tract!”
“What, then, wilt thou have, my she-line,” growled the sable cherub as he snatched the bowl back, causing a bit of the sauce to splash onto the thick, dark cover of the book. He quickly whipped out a crisp handkerchief from an invisible breast pocket and, with eyes turned downward, wiped the red slurry away.
“You are kidding, right?” she snapped in bitter admonishment, her mouth flicking ashes of disdain. She continued, “If we are to converse on these mystery visits of yours, at least use a street version of your Anglospeak. I know you have many more styles to choose from.”
“Right on,” replied the creature. He appeared to be leaning on an invisible wall. His face projected the taste of lemons and stink at which the tiny woman rolled her eyes and sighed dramatically.
“Got it,” he retorted in a much more businesslike manner. “Perhaps a visual, then?” With that, he waved his arm like a game show hostess. A giant screen the size of a ballpark formed in the distance out over the water. The cosmic monitor blipped a series of colored sparks and then fizzed into dynamic view. There, glowing in RGB and LED, a male shape took form. There he was in 64-bits of color—there was Donny.
Read Reviews
Review 1:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to Mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Mechanics - Narration Styles
- Make sure that all narrative modes in the story are used appropriately and accurately, such as direct speech when the characters talk directly to each other. Other examples are reported speech when retelling something a character has said, chronology, retrospection, flashback etc.
Narrative - Internalizations
- Consider how you might make use of stronger inner monologues. This allows the reader to hear the protoganist’s direct and private thoughts. Did he want to marry her? Not really.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- The balance between narration and dialogue might need to be reviewed. Dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text. You can show the reader by using natural-sounding dialogue. Remember not to overdo the narrative.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- The protagonist didn’t always respond believably against the backdrop of the story. Ask yourself if people would really answer to a situation in that way. Think about whether the character’s voice could be more convincing for their age, background, gender, time period, genre, gender and ethnicity. Dialogue should be natural and consistent throughout the story.
Characterization
- Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me. We are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed. Rather than tell us about the characters, show us what they say and do. The reader should experience maximum sensory details in the same way characters do.
Main character
- Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization and be careful not to linger on minor characters. Perhaps your protagonist could have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character Conflict
- The reader’s experience of the novel is heightened when the first chapter exposes some of the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose. I found that this aspect of the story wasn’t as strong.
Plot and pace
- The reader needs to know what the hero wants and what drives them. This might not be divulged in chapter one but we need a strong urge to read on and find out. There needs to be an antagonist - either someone or something that gets in-between the protagonist and their goal. The antagonist can be anything from a person to an obsessive-compulsive disorder.
Conflict
- Regardless of the genre, it’s good to create an impact from the onset. If it’s a crime novel, start with a dead body, for example. If it’s a romance, start with the dishonoured laird having to sell the family seat to a dashing shipping tycoon. The young heiress swears she will smear his good name.
Suspense
- Create some rising action to ignite the interest in the reader. They need to know that something is on the point of happening. Chapter one must move at a steady pace. Be specific and economical without causing confusion or being vague. The first page should introduce some intrigue, something that causes the reader to turn the page.
Technique and tight writing
- Sentence length and complexity help set the scene for the story. Consider harmonizing genre and language in your story, in order to create more atmosphere.
Point of view
- Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, ie who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Make sure that your use of POV is consistent with the narrative, and does not confuse the reader.
Style and originality
- Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Don’t be predictable: say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic.
Atmosphere and description
- Just like the physical setting, the writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere is vital to the reader’s experience. Your story could perhaps go further in its description by indulging as many of the reader’s five senses as possible. 'Show, don’t tell'. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic setting
- The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being plausible and concise at the same time is tricky. Perhaps giving this further attention would be worthwhile.
Setting the scene and backstory
- Our writing needs to set the tone, have a theme and just enough backstory. Perhaps this story could benefit from a clearer description of the physical or emotional setting in order to help readers orientate themselves as the story unfolds. It’s also a real skill to craft out how the characters react to that setting and atmosphere.
Opening hook
- The opening chapter sets the standard of the novel, and it needs to start from page one. Perhaps challenge your writing by reviewing the impact of your opening hook?
Opening line
- The opening line of a good novel is a promise of wonderful things to come. Perhaps review the first line to increase the impact of your opening scene?
Review 2:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Characterization
- Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me. We are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed. Rather than tell us about the characters, show us what they say and do. The reader should experience maximum sensory details in the same way characters do.
Technique and tight writing
- Sentence length and complexity help set the scene for the story. Consider harmonizing genre and language in your story, in order to create more atmosphere.
Atmosphere and description
- Just like the physical setting, the writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere is vital to the reader’s experience. Your story could perhaps go further in its description by indulging as many of the reader’s five senses as possible. 'Show, don’t tell'. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic setting
- The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being plausible and concise at the same time is tricky. Perhaps giving this further attention would be worthwhile.
Opening hook
- The opening chapter sets the standard of the novel, and it needs to start from page one. Perhaps challenge your writing by reviewing the impact of your opening hook?