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International Boundaries

International Boundaries

Jordan is revealing her secrets. She is longing for a child that her husband cannot provide. They tried this past summer with going through fertility treatment only for it to fail. Her husband Josh has taken a second job to support them. The long hours are starting to put a strain on the relationship & Jordan often finds herself alone. One day her world changed forever when she meets Devon online. He is charming, fun and is also a writer. Jordan knows that she likes him but dismisses it at first.

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Romance / Women's fiction

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C.R. Misty (Canada)


~~Sharing
July 2014 was the most nerve racking month of my life. Finally my fertility treatment which is referred to as IUI, it stands for Intrauterine Insemination and it was going to be done that month. Josh and I could not conceive and I had to resort to using donor sperm. Everything was paid for, the donor was picked and our family and close friends were told. I was over the top excited, happy and ready to start the next chapter.
Both Josh and I went to the doctor’s office on a warm July morning and the procedure was done. It's a simple procedure, you lie on a table and the nurse comes in with the vial full of donor sperm, she puts it into some sort of elongated syringe, but instead of a needle it's a long thin tube that goes into your uterus so that the sperm can be placed as close to the egg as possible. Sounds yummy right? The procedure takes no more than fifteen minutes and most of the time is spent just lying on the table.
To be completely honest with you, it is an awkward procedure, you take something as intimate as love making and it is turned into an uncomfortable encounter at the doctor’s office. My nerves were all over the place, happy, shy and scared all at once.
We waited two weeks for the result and I was to go back into the doctor’s office to find out if I was pregnant. The thing is I started my period just days before the appointment and I lost my cool and completely broke down, and with it I also lost that strength and spark that I had.
The morning that I knew that It didn't work, I crept out of bed, clueless to what I was about to discover. In that moment, I felt good, happy and I had to pee so I headed to the washroom. As I wiped, that's when I knew. No, this can't be happening, I sat on the toilet in shock at my unsuspecting discovery, minutes go by and it sinks in. How could you be so stupid Jordan, I got myself excited for nothing, nothing. A tear runs down my cheek and I can't handle it, I wasn't prepared to be disappointed. Minutes go by and I urge myself, okay I can't just sit here, I need to get up. I wash up and head to my room, I can't face Josh; I can't. I crawl into my king size bed and start to sob uncontrollably, god I wanted this so bad, what do I tell him, what do I tell my parents and his?
Josh is an early riser and had been up and doing stuff around the house. He must have heard that I was up and comes into the bedroom moments later, "Hey I was waiting for you downstairs what’s..." He sees my face. "What's wrong?"
"It didn't work." I look up from the pillow.
“What do you mean; are you sure?"
"Josh it's too heavy to mistake it for something else, it didn't work." Saying it over again doesn’t help my state and I breakdown again and curl up into a ball.
Josh does what any man with a heart does; he stays and holds me. "Jordan it will happen. At least you know now and at least it never was; it would be harder I think if you had actually lost a child." His blue eyes show concern as they look into mine and he gently rubs my back.
"I know" is all I can say but his speech doesn't stop the tears rolling down my face. He stays with me for a while but it's of no use.
After some time Josh with caution in his voice eventually says. "Jordan I need to head into work, you can either stay here, and be upset over something that never happened or you can get dressed and make something of your day. It will happen." He stops rubbing my shoulder and gets off the bed to get ready.
In between sobs I say, "I know, I just need to get this out of my system and I’ll be fine."
It was hard in the beginning, telling my family and close friends that it hadn't worked. I got the encouraging speeches; the, it will work next time speeches etc. Hours turned to days, which turned into a couple of weeks and I got passed it by focusing back on promoting myself as an author and getting myself in a state to try again in a month or two.
At some point before the weekend Mom and Dad invite me up to camp and I accept their invitation. I could use a break and besides Josh will be working and would rather not stay home alone. I look forward to seeing my mom and dad and spending the weekend up at the river.

Revealing
Saturday morning I wake up in my mom and dad’s camper. They have one of those goose neck trailers that has a full bedroom and bathroom equipped with a sink, shower stall and toilet, that would rest over a truck bed and stepping down to the main area is a living room and kitchen that tip out giving more space with its open concept layout. I am snuggled beneath the sheets on the pull out couch in the living room; Dad is up and is already outside. I can see him on the deck just outside my window, and the coffee machine is on and gurgling as it's brewing, the smell of a medium blend fills the air. I lay there in bed for a few minutes and grab my phone to play with.
I open up Twitter, wow more followers. For every follower that I receive, I send them a personal message, thanking them for following and providing a link to my book. This morning is no different.
Follow, copy, paste, follow, copy, paste is what I do in Twitter and even then I had no idea what would become of a copy, paste of a message to a complete stranger. I never knew that this one person would make me question everything.
I receive a message back, "Hi there, thanks for following me back. You sure are popular. I write too. Here are my links, here are my websites, and I am also on Wattpad."
Wow, this guy sends a lot of messages. I politely respond, "No problem, happy to connect with someone that has the same interests."
He responds back, "I am so proud of my work and I hope you enjoy what I posted on Wattpad."
Oh boy, do I have time to commit to another book right now? I sit up and I respond, "Your book sounds interesting, but I don't have Wattpad. I’ll have to download it once I'm home."
He responds, "Oh, how are you enjoying the weekend?"
I sigh should I answer this, should I be worried about what I tell this stranger? I take a moment and look at his sites to see who he actually is. He is an author, he has a decent biography, seems like a nice guy. It won't hurt to share with him a little bit more, "I am spending the weekend up at camp with my mom and dad."
He replies back, "Oh that must be nice, I used to live up north, not far from you, Rochester."
He must have seen the city where I live from my Twitter biography. I answer, "Oh yes, I would be a few hours north of Rochester, so I see that you live in Texas? P.S. Cowboys are yummy, just saying."
"Yep, been here for five years, but really I'm a Yankee. I miss it, the seasons."
I respond, "I love warm temperatures, you are lucky to not have to deal with snow."
"I admit the warm weather is nice but I miss living up north."
I answer him, "Have you seen my Twitter picture from last winter, all that snow. I can't stand cleaning the driveway."
He answers back, "Yes, I guess that would be the not so fun part."
I want to wrap this up but don't want it to sound too curt, I'm hungry, I’ll write this, "It is right around breakfast time for me, I'm going to step away to eat. I’ll have to get Wattpad to read your work and will get to it soon. Have a great day and thanks for the chat."
I send the message and shortly after he responds. "I’ll take a look at your book too. Thank you and enjoy your weekend up at camp, Bye."
It wasn't long into the day that the person I had been talking to on Twitter I had already forgotten his name. I forgot about the promise I made, to look at his work and download Wattpad. I forgot. I didn't mean to, it's just with family here social media sort of takes a back seat to reality. Well, back then it did...


Competition: June 2015 Pen Factor, Round 1

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Read Reviews

Review 1:


Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to Mechanics
  • You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story. It’s always a pleasure to read polished English.
Mechanics - Narration Styles
  • Make sure that all narrative modes in the story are used appropriately and accurately, such as direct speech when the characters talk directly to each other. Other examples are reported speech when retelling something a character has said, chronology, retrospection, flashback etc.
Narrative - Internalizations
  • You write powerful inner monologues. You introduce these effectively by allowing the reader into the character’s head and hearing their direct thoughts.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
  • The balance between narration and dialogue might need to be reviewed. Dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text. You can show the reader by using natural-sounding dialogue. Remember not to overdo the narrative.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
  • Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
  • Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me. We are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed. Rather than tell us about the characters, show us what they say and do. The reader should experience maximum sensory details in the same way characters do.
  • Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
  • Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were highly convincing.
Character Conflict
  • The reader’s experience of the novel is heightened when the first chapter exposes some of the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose. I found that this aspect of the story wasn’t as strong.
Conflict
  • Regardless of the genre, it’s good to create an impact from the onset. If it’s a crime novel, start with a dead body, for example. If it’s a romance, start with the dishonoured laird having to sell the family seat to a dashing shipping tycoon. The young heiress swears she will smear his good name.
Suspense
  • Create some rising action to ignite the interest in the reader. They need to know that something is on the point of happening. Chapter one must move at a steady pace. Be specific and economical without causing confusion or being vague. The first page should introduce some intrigue, something that causes the reader to turn the page.
Technique and tight writing
  • The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Authentic setting
  • The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ moods and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Setting the scene and backstory
  • A nice amount of detail was given in the right tone for the genre to set the scene. I was fully immersed in the place and unfolding events. The way the characters reacted to the setting and atmosphere was cleverly done. The narrative is skillfully presented. I was never bogged down with information or backstory.
Opening hook
  • You caught my attention with your strong hook. It was well written and I was intrigued from the word go. I wanted to find out what happens, and how the main character develops.

Review 2:


Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to Mechanics
  • You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story. It’s always a pleasure to read polished English.
Narrative - Internalizations
  • You write powerful inner monologues. You introduce these effectively by allowing the reader into the character’s head and hearing their direct thoughts.
Character Conflict
  • The reader’s experience of the novel is heightened when the first chapter exposes some of the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose. I found that this aspect of the story wasn’t as strong.
Conflict
  • Regardless of the genre, it’s good to create an impact from the onset. If it’s a crime novel, start with a dead body, for example. If it’s a romance, start with the dishonoured laird having to sell the family seat to a dashing shipping tycoon. The young heiress swears she will smear his good name.
Technique and tight writing
  • The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Atmosphere and description
  • Your story creates a vivid picture indeed. A feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.

Review 3:


Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to Mechanics
  • The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
  • You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story. It’s always a pleasure to read polished English.
Mechanics - Narration Styles
  • You handled the story’s narrative modes appropriately and accurately, making it a clear and enjoyable read.
Narrative - Internalizations
  • You write powerful inner monologues. You introduce these effectively by allowing the reader into the character’s head and hearing their direct thoughts.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
  • Your story struck a good balance between narration and believable dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
  • Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
  • Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
  • Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were highly convincing.
Character Conflict
  • Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals, conflicts and purpose were introduced and I wanted to find out more about them.
Plot and pace
  • A truly absorbing story! Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The chapter was engaging and gripping! The story had a coherent progression with a structured conflict.
Conflict
  • The build-up was intriguing and kept me on the edge of my seat the whole way through! I felt the tension mount with each word.
Technique and tight writing
  • The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
  • The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
  • Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Don’t be predictable: say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic.
Atmosphere and description
  • Your story creates a vivid picture indeed. A feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic setting
  • The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ moods and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Setting the scene and backstory
  • A nice amount of detail was given in the right tone for the genre to set the scene. I was fully immersed in the place and unfolding events. The way the characters reacted to the setting and atmosphere was cleverly done. The narrative is skillfully presented. I was never bogged down with information or backstory.
Opening hook
  • You caught my attention with your strong hook. It was well written and I was intrigued from the word go. I wanted to find out what happens, and how the main character develops.
Opening line
  • The opening line of a good novel is a promise of wonderful things to come. Perhaps review the first line to increase the impact of your opening scene?
  • Your opening line is a promise of wonderful things to come and I was not disappointed. This is a page-turner.