Review 1:

Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to Mechanics

• The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.

Mechanics - Narration Styles

• Make sure that all narrative modes in the story are used appropriately and accurately, such as direct speech when the characters talk directly to each other. Other examples are reported speech when retelling something a character has said, chronology, retrospection, flashback etc.

Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice

• Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.

Suspense and conflict

• The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The build-up was intriguing and I felt the tension mounting with each word.

Point of view

• The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.

Setting the scene and backstory

• Our writing needs to set the tone, have a theme and just enough backstory. Perhaps this story could benefit from a clearer description of the physical or emotional setting in order to help readers orientate themselves as the story unfolds. It’s also a real skill to craft out how the characters react to that setting and atmosphere.

Review 2:

Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to Mechanics

• The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.

Mechanics - Narration Styles

• You handled the story’s narrative modes appropriately and accurately, making it a clear and enjoyable read.

Narration and dialogue: Balance

• The balance between narration and dialogue might need to be reviewed. Dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text. You can show the reader by using natural-sounding dialogue. Remember not to overdo the narrative.

Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice

• Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.

Characterization

• Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.

Main character

• Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization and be careful not to linger on minor characters. Perhaps your protagonist could have a few more distinguishing character traits?

Character Conflict

• Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals and conflicts were clearly conveyed.

Plot and pace

• Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.

Technique and tight writing

• Sentence length and complexity help set the scene for the story. Consider harmonizing genre and language in your story, in order to create more atmosphere.

Point of view

• The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.

Style and originality

• I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice.

Atmosphere and description

• Your story creates a vivid picture indeed. A feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.

Authentic setting

• The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being plausible and concise at the same time is tricky. Perhaps giving this further attention would be worthwhile.

Setting the scene and backstory

• A nice amount of detail was given in the right tone for the genre to set the scene. I was fully immersed in the place and unfolding events. The way the characters reacted to the setting and atmosphere was cleverly done. The narrative is skillfully presented. I was never bogged down with information or backstory.

Opening paragraph and hook

• In modern times we need to start our stories powerfully and keep the reader engaged with a compelling hook. Each individual word counts. Are you sure that you’ve baited the reader enough?

Opening line

• The opening line of a story is a writer’s promise of wonderful things to come. Perhaps review the opening line to increase the impact of your story?

Review 3:

Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to mechanics

• The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.

Narration and dialogue: Balance

• There needs to be more balance between narration and dialogue. Avoid overdoing the narrative and remember that dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text.

Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice

• The protagonist didn’t always respond believably against the backdrop of the story. Ask yourself if people would really answer to a situation in that way. Think about whether the characters’ voices could be more convincing for their age, background, gender, time period, genre, gender and ethnicity. Dialogue should be natural and consistent throughout the story.

Plot and pace

• Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.

Technique and tight writing

• When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.

Point of view

• Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, i.e. who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Ensure you consistently use the same point of view and tense throughout, either: a) First person; b) Third-person limited; or c) Third-person omniscient.

Style and originality

• Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?

Atmosphere and description

• A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.

Opening line, paragraph and hook

• Great stories, nowadays, start with a powerful opening line and compelling hook in order to keep the reader engaged. Have you baited the reader enough?