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Into the Triangle

Into the Triangle

An eighteen year old boy drags three of his friends with him on his birthday to reveal the mysteries of the Bermuda Triangle.

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Action / Adventure


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Emily Hung (United States)


As soon as eighteen year old Jody finished reading The Eternal Mystery of Earth, he knew what he wanted for his birthday. He did not want a party nor did he want cake, he wanted something exhilarating. Already having the fundamentals of a pilot, he got permission from his parents to travel to a part of the world where no man had made it out alive, so far...
"Tomorrow's my fifteenth birthday and as a present from my parents, I get to fly a plane wherever I want and bring along three of my friends!" Jody exclaimed.
"Awesome can we come?" Raquel, Kallista, and Anne asked.
"Of course, I was just going to ask if you wanted to come or not."
"Yes, we will come for sure!" they said.
"Meet me tomorrow at eight in the morning then."
The next morning, all three friends were present as Jody warmed up the plane and got it ready for flying.
"So what's the destination?" Kallista asked.
"The Bermuda Triangle," Jody replied. They froze and stared in astonishment and disbelief.
"What did you just say?" Anne said.
"The Bermuda Triangle," he repeated in annoyance.
"Do you have any idea how treacherous you are right now?" she retorted.
"Well I have always wanted to know why everyone keeps disappearing when they travel through it," confessed Jody.
"So apparently you want to have us sacrifice our lives to figure out an answer?"
"Technically yes."
"You scrub."
He shoved them all aboard without another word and locked the doors before anyone could get away.
“Honestly, I feel like you’re kidnapping us,” Kallista uttered. Jody started the plane and soon, they were flying above the clouds.
"Just watch, I will be solving the most peculiar mystery on Earth… and possibly even meeting some famous people that might still be alive to give us a story."
"Yeah right, like they are still going to be alive. You are going to get us all terminated first," Raquel cut in.
"No, I just have this weird feeling that we will live and come back as heroes."
"So how long exactly do we have left to live?"
"It takes about three hours from here, the Miami Airport, to reach the Bermuda Triangle."
"Wonderful, we only have three hours left to live," Anne sighed.
Two hours later, all but Jody were squirming about in their seats with a sense of foreboding.
"Are we there yet?" Raquel asked.
"You'll know when we're there soon enough," was the reply from Jody. Suddenly, the plane started rumbling with quick, strong flashes of lightening surrounding it.
"Okay we're doomed," Anne said. They all screamed as the plane tilted to one side, flipped upside down, and tilted to other side. The members aboard were soon feeling vertigo from all the flipping and tilting. Then, the plane was absolutely still again. The sun peeked out from behind the clouds and a rainbow formed. Kallista got out her camera and started snapping photos of it. Just as they were getting comfortable, they lost radar signal and all the controls started wiggling strangely as if they wanted to jump out.
"Help me!" screamed Jody.
"We're trying!" they yelled back. Then, something struck the motor of the plane. It plummeted down to darkness, with everyone still aboard.
The plane hit the dark, threatening waters without a sound and started sinking. Anne was desperately hitting the glass windows, trying to burst them to escape. Jody joined in but they were unbreakable.
"Try the emergency exits!" screeched Raquel, pulling at the red latch to open the exit.
"Never mind! It's stuck fast, there's no way out!" He stared at everyone hopelessly.
"Jody, you have to get us out of here because first of all, you got us in here!" Kallista said panicking as a drop of water hit her head.
"Water's leaking in!" Jody said, "there must be a way out then. We just need to find a hole and pry it open!" Flipping open his first aid kit, he got out four flashlights and handed them out.
"Start searching!." More and more water leaked in and soon, the water was to their shins.
"Hurry!" Jody shouted with alarm.
"I found the hole! It's impossible to break though, there's four layers of steel surrounding it," Raquel exclaimed.
"Very good. Nothing's impossible you hear me? Now get that hole opened!" Everyone set to work opening the hole to save themselves.
"Quick, we need an ax!" Jody said.
"We didn't bring an ax," Anne replied.
"Do we have a hammer at least?"
"Yes, here." Jody grasped the hammer in his hands and started pounding away at the strong steel. He used all his strength and soon, there was a downpour of water.
"Hurry!" Anne screamed. The hole broke open at last and they were now unable to breath, the ocean water had filled up the entire plane. They struggled and kicked but they could not find the surface. Then, Jody grabbed Raquel's arm and pulled him into a dark place where there was no water.
"Where are the others?" Jody urgently asked.
"I think they're still out there."
"You stay here, I'm going out to look for them."
"No, you stay here."
"Too bad I'm coming with you."
"I said no," Jody's voice is rising, "Stay here." He slunk out again, in search for the others. A few moments later, he managed to pull Kallista in. She was unconscious, probably from all the murky, dirty water that was in her lungs.
"CPR!" Raquel screamed. He pumped Kallista's chest by placing his hands over her and pressing. Mouthful after mouthful of water came out of her. After repeating this for five minutes, she started coughing again.
"Thank goodness we didn't lose you," Jody said, breathing with a sigh of relief.
"Where's Anne?" she asked anxiously.
"Damn! We got to go look for her!"
"I'll go back out, but it's not a promise that I'll find her. Remember, I have a limited supply of oxygen as well. If I don't come back in two minutes come out and look for me." Jody swam back into the dark water, in search for a body. A moment later, Kallista and Raquel heard a muffled, blood curdling scream that set their hair on end.
"Jody! Jody! Jody!" they screamed. Jody jumped back into the shelter.
"You won't believe what happened to Anne!" he said panting, "She... she's dead for sure." Silence struck the air.
"She what?" Kallista said.
"There was a massive creature, I could tell it was monster. I could taste blood in the water and I reached out and I felt a head. I know it was Anne's, I felt her hair and eyes. I'm so sorry I even brought you on this trip."
"Well you should be," she defiantly said, "You brought us here for no absolute reason other than to kill ourselves. Do you think this is really the best way to commit suicide?"
"I'm sorry..." Jody said staring at the floor.
"Now what? We have one person gone. How are we going to get back home?" Raquel yelled in rage.
"First, let's figure out where we are..." They felt along the dark area where they were confined in. They felt jagged walls and suddenly, as Jody leaned against a wall in exasperation, he felt the wall give way as he screamed. Then, everything went black.
When he woke up, he was on a the ground. As his eyes got accustomed to the darkness, he made out some figures.
“Kallista? Raquel?”
“Who are those people?” a strangely deep voice asked. Startled, Jody sat up and stared. He fumbled for his flashlight, which thankfully, had somehow stayed in his pocket. Aiming it at the strange figure, he switched it on. The figure let out a scream and covered its eyes. Straining his neck, Jody made out a man with a thick beard.
“Who are you,” he said, backing up away.
“I, am Sir George Somers of Plymouth colony.”


Competition: June 2015 Pen Factor, Round 1

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Read Reviews

Review 1:


Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to mechanics
  • You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
  • There needs to be more balance between narration and dialogue. Avoid overdoing the narrative and remember that dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
  • Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
  • Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
  • Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
  • Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals and conflicts were clearly conveyed.
Plot and pace
  • Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
  • Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot. A truly absorbing story!
Suspense and conflict
  • The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The build-up was intriguing and I felt the tension mounting with each word.
Technique and tight writing
  • The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
  • Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, i.e. who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Ensure you consistently use the same point of view and tense throughout, either: a) First person; b) Third-person limited; or c) Third-person omniscient.
Style and originality
  • Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Atmosphere and description
  • Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
  • The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being concise and plausible at the same time is tricky. Giving this further attention could perhaps be worthwhile.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
  • Your great opening was a promise of wonderful things to come. I was hooked!

Review 2:


Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to mechanics
  • You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
  • Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
  • The protagonist didn’t always respond believably against the backdrop of the story. Ask yourself if people would really answer to a situation in that way. Think about whether the characters’ voices could be more convincing for their age, background, gender, time period, genre, gender and ethnicity. Dialogue should be natural and consistent throughout the story.
Characterization
  • Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
  • Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
  • Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals and conflicts were clearly conveyed.
Plot and pace
  • Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot. A truly absorbing story!
Technique and tight writing
  • The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
  • Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, i.e. who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Ensure you consistently use the same point of view and tense throughout, either: a) First person; b) Third-person limited; or c) Third-person omniscient.
Style and originality
  • Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Atmosphere and description
  • Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
  • The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
  • Great stories, nowadays, start with a powerful opening line and compelling hook in order to keep the reader engaged. Have you baited the reader enough?