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The Umbrella Story
The Umbrella Story
It started in the Netherlands (most possibly) and then moved to France. Made a short trip to Thailand and then tagged along to India. One monsoon afternoon, it returned to Germany. Now it's resting in Belgium, waiting to reach the Netherlands again.
0Romance / Women's fiction
Dipima Buragohain (India)
It was raining, literally cats and dogs. To my misfortune, half of the flea market was closed. However, I was not totally unlucky as I could still enjoy the normal-to-weird corners of the biggest flea market of the continent. Rain just made it more happening to us, meaning me and my two other friends from another continent. I could still witness the rainbow and the blacks and whites and greys of the market. I started from the hotel pretty early. Thankfully the cab driver could speak a little English, and we were good to communicate well, really well. It was already raining when Thomas left me at one of the entrances to the flea market. He said politely that he would wait outside for me.
I almost ran in to the market complex to save myself from being completely drenched. After a brief call and 5 minutes' wait, I saw Elizabeth coming towards me with her twinkling smile. Liz and I had planned for shopping the previous night after the conference got over for the day. Although half of the market was shut due to rain, the place was still overcrowded with youngsters coming from every corner of the world. I was glad that my US friend made it. All we were waiting for was the French guy. By the time Hilario reached us, we were almost done shopping.
That made us sit for some exotic Thai delicacy and a wonderful multi-continental discussion over hot coffee. We enjoyed the rain, the flea market crowd, and most importantly, our newfound friendship. After hours of a memorable rainy day in the Thai flea market, three of us hopped in my cab. I was heading directly to the airport and had to drop Liz and Hilario on my way. We waved goodbye and promised to keep in touch. When I got off at the airport, I realized Hilario forgot to take back his umbrella from me. So I called him and informed about it. "Don't worry dear, keep it with you for a while. I will make sure to collect it from you next time we bump into each other maybe in India or any other corner of the world", said Hilario over the phone.
That was two years back. It's raining today since morning. But I am not at all complaining. It's a midsummer rain after all. I was waiting for the phone call. I opened the umbrella one last time. The shine of the plastic sheet has faded and lost its original glow. There are a few sticks broken or bent here and there. But it's still in a usable shape. Finally I got the call and hurriedly set out of my house.
The rain stopped only to turn into a teasing drizzle. But the roads are much cleaner and fresh now. After a frantic search and anxious walk over half an hour, I reached the stairs to climb up and there he was sitting in the corner. His lip movement says he is in a deep, engrossed discussion. But he turned to me with a curious question on face. I guess my reaction gave him the answer, because he smiled back and took the chair next to him out for me. We shook hands. I met his friend too. So officially the umbrella is now handed over to Bram who will forward it to Hilario. Interesting way of traveling for the umbrella.
Bram's friend left the coffee house, and now we started talking formally. Today is his last day in my country. He is leaving it with a heavy heart after finishing his MPhil of two years. He does not know Hilario. His sister seems to have a connection with someone Hilario knows. So it's a web of connection, an international web. Bram wanted to do a little shopping for his sister and girlfriend. So we decided to check in the market - the one with small lanes leading to antiques and ethnics by the green lake. We bought some souvenirs, managed to get them without spending a considerable fortune.
And it started again. This time a bigger one. The rain. Almost like a hailstorm. For one last time, I opened the umbrella as it was our only savior in that stormy afternoon. We thanked Hilario for the umbrella, and the umbrella for the storm. It had indeed an interesting journey throughout. Bram got an auto for me to go home. We did handshake a final goodbye. I waved him a happy and safe journey back home. It was nice meeting him even though for a brief while. On my way back, I was smiling to my thoughts at the amazing story of the umbrella. It gave me new places to go, new friends to meet, and new feelings to know. It began on a rainy afternoon and ended on a rainy afternoon. Can there be a better umbrella story? I wonder.
I almost ran in to the market complex to save myself from being completely drenched. After a brief call and 5 minutes' wait, I saw Elizabeth coming towards me with her twinkling smile. Liz and I had planned for shopping the previous night after the conference got over for the day. Although half of the market was shut due to rain, the place was still overcrowded with youngsters coming from every corner of the world. I was glad that my US friend made it. All we were waiting for was the French guy. By the time Hilario reached us, we were almost done shopping.
That made us sit for some exotic Thai delicacy and a wonderful multi-continental discussion over hot coffee. We enjoyed the rain, the flea market crowd, and most importantly, our newfound friendship. After hours of a memorable rainy day in the Thai flea market, three of us hopped in my cab. I was heading directly to the airport and had to drop Liz and Hilario on my way. We waved goodbye and promised to keep in touch. When I got off at the airport, I realized Hilario forgot to take back his umbrella from me. So I called him and informed about it. "Don't worry dear, keep it with you for a while. I will make sure to collect it from you next time we bump into each other maybe in India or any other corner of the world", said Hilario over the phone.
That was two years back. It's raining today since morning. But I am not at all complaining. It's a midsummer rain after all. I was waiting for the phone call. I opened the umbrella one last time. The shine of the plastic sheet has faded and lost its original glow. There are a few sticks broken or bent here and there. But it's still in a usable shape. Finally I got the call and hurriedly set out of my house.
The rain stopped only to turn into a teasing drizzle. But the roads are much cleaner and fresh now. After a frantic search and anxious walk over half an hour, I reached the stairs to climb up and there he was sitting in the corner. His lip movement says he is in a deep, engrossed discussion. But he turned to me with a curious question on face. I guess my reaction gave him the answer, because he smiled back and took the chair next to him out for me. We shook hands. I met his friend too. So officially the umbrella is now handed over to Bram who will forward it to Hilario. Interesting way of traveling for the umbrella.
Bram's friend left the coffee house, and now we started talking formally. Today is his last day in my country. He is leaving it with a heavy heart after finishing his MPhil of two years. He does not know Hilario. His sister seems to have a connection with someone Hilario knows. So it's a web of connection, an international web. Bram wanted to do a little shopping for his sister and girlfriend. So we decided to check in the market - the one with small lanes leading to antiques and ethnics by the green lake. We bought some souvenirs, managed to get them without spending a considerable fortune.
And it started again. This time a bigger one. The rain. Almost like a hailstorm. For one last time, I opened the umbrella as it was our only savior in that stormy afternoon. We thanked Hilario for the umbrella, and the umbrella for the storm. It had indeed an interesting journey throughout. Bram got an auto for me to go home. We did handshake a final goodbye. I waved him a happy and safe journey back home. It was nice meeting him even though for a brief while. On my way back, I was smiling to my thoughts at the amazing story of the umbrella. It gave me new places to go, new friends to meet, and new feelings to know. It began on a rainy afternoon and ended on a rainy afternoon. Can there be a better umbrella story? I wonder.
Read Reviews
Review 1:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- There needs to be more balance between narration and dialogue. Avoid overdoing the narrative and remember that dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- The protagonist didn’t always respond believably against the backdrop of the story. Ask yourself if people would really answer to a situation in that way. Think about whether the characters’ voices could be more convincing for their age, background, gender, time period, genre, gender and ethnicity. Dialogue should be natural and consistent throughout the story.
Characterization
- Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
- Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
- The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Think about the conflict and tension in your story. How effectively has it been introduced?
Technique and tight writing
- When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice. Impressive.
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Your great opening was a promise of wonderful things to come. I was hooked!
Review 2:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot. A truly absorbing story!
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Review 3:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- The protagonist didn’t always respond believably against the backdrop of the story. Ask yourself if people would really answer to a situation in that way. Think about whether the characters’ voices could be more convincing for their age, background, gender, time period, genre, gender and ethnicity. Dialogue should be natural and consistent throughout the story.
Characterization
- Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
- Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
- The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot. A truly absorbing story!
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Think about the conflict and tension in your story. How effectively has it been introduced?
Technique and tight writing
- When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Great stories, nowadays, start with a powerful opening line and compelling hook in order to keep the reader engaged. Have you baited the reader enough?