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Miracle
Miracle
A bubble inside a hospital room brings joy to a little girl, but it may be more than it seems.
0Fantasy / Sci-fi
Bonnie Stolt (United States)
The little girl in a white sundress sat on the grass, plastic wand in hand, blowing bubbles. The filmy, translucent orbs rose, weightless, buoyed by the playful summer breeze. She watched them rise with a contemplative expression on her face. Most perished as they flew towards the sky, having bumped into nearby houses or stately oak trees. But one remained intact, cavorting among the clouds before blowing away.
A young girl lay in a hospital bed, the colorful scarf usually wrapped around her bald head now in disarray. Her mother sat in a chair next to her, crying softly--trying not to wake her daughter since she’d finally fallen asleep. The window was propped open, and the sounds of birds singing and the twelve o’ clock traffic were floating in. Presently the mother lifted her head to find her daughter sitting up in bed, an expression of wonder on her face.
“Look mama,” she exclaimed, “ a bubble!” And so it was, perched intact upon her outstretched index finger. “It’s a miracle!”
“Maybe,” replied her mother, watching the colors swirl blue, green, pink. She doubted that it was actually a miracle, although her daughter, herself, and her husband could use a little one right now. How the bubble was still intact she did not profess to know, but she did not truly care. She had the distracted, depressed air of a woman with larger problems.
“Do you think it’s Emma’s?” asked the girl, startling her mother out of her reverie.
“Emma’s what?” she replied.
“Emma’s bubble. She blows a lot of bubbles in summer, she told me so in her letter,” the girl stated authoritatively, picking up a neatly folded piece of paper and displaying a line of writing.
“No Caroline, Emma lives all the way in California, the bubble couldn’t possibly have blown all the way to Maine," she smiled sadly "Maybe someone was blowing them outside.”
Caroline sighed. “I wish she hadn’t moved away,” She thought for a moment, “Can you and me and daddy go and visit her when I’m better?” she asked hopefully.
Her mother’s eyes watered, but she quickly dashed away the tears. “Yes, of course,” she said, a little chokily.
A nurse in teal scrubs walked in, smiling as she saw the bubble and the girl’s excited face reflected in it. “Dr. Ernst will be in with the results in a moment.” she reported before bending over to adjust the IV tubes and Caroline’s scarf.
The mother visibly steeled herself, and a man in a white coat walked in, stethoscope slung over his neck. He wore a confounded expression, and was shaking his head.
“I’ve never seen anything like it Mrs. Richardson,” he paused and looked directly at her, then continued, “I’ve been practicing for 14 years, and I’ve never dreamed it possible. It’s amazing, really, miracle is more the word that comes to mind. Complete remission! A brain tumor the size of a golf ball does not just disappear! It couldn’t have been the chemotherapy, it’s just unbelievable!” He paused for breath, but she broke down sobbing.
“Don’t cry mama!” Caroline said worriedly, but her mother was smiling through her tears.
The nurse happily pulled the doctor-still muttering-out of the room. “Oddest thing…submit it to the board, yes, must do that…darned oddest thing!”
Mrs. Richardson picked Caroline up, and twirled her around in the air. As she giggled, the bubble spun in a corkscrew around them, faster and faster, before finally hovering over their heads, and bathing them in golden light. Strains of seeming Angel-Song filled the room. Then, the bubble popped, fracturing into sparks of rainbow light.
The girl lay smiling, with her eyes closed, seeing her own dream or vision until her mother called:
“Emma! Come for dinner!”
She sat up, grabbing the bubble solution and producing one last batch of bubbles. As she walked inside, she heard part of the news bulletin on TV
“--amazing, complete brain tumor remission! The doctors say it couldn’t have been the chemotherapy, I wonder what could’ve done it Charles…,” a female news anchor was saying.
Smiling quietly to herself, Emma placed the bubble solution and wand on the counter. Then, she answered the woman’s question:
“A miracle, if one chooses to believe”.
A young girl lay in a hospital bed, the colorful scarf usually wrapped around her bald head now in disarray. Her mother sat in a chair next to her, crying softly--trying not to wake her daughter since she’d finally fallen asleep. The window was propped open, and the sounds of birds singing and the twelve o’ clock traffic were floating in. Presently the mother lifted her head to find her daughter sitting up in bed, an expression of wonder on her face.
“Look mama,” she exclaimed, “ a bubble!” And so it was, perched intact upon her outstretched index finger. “It’s a miracle!”
“Maybe,” replied her mother, watching the colors swirl blue, green, pink. She doubted that it was actually a miracle, although her daughter, herself, and her husband could use a little one right now. How the bubble was still intact she did not profess to know, but she did not truly care. She had the distracted, depressed air of a woman with larger problems.
“Do you think it’s Emma’s?” asked the girl, startling her mother out of her reverie.
“Emma’s what?” she replied.
“Emma’s bubble. She blows a lot of bubbles in summer, she told me so in her letter,” the girl stated authoritatively, picking up a neatly folded piece of paper and displaying a line of writing.
“No Caroline, Emma lives all the way in California, the bubble couldn’t possibly have blown all the way to Maine," she smiled sadly "Maybe someone was blowing them outside.”
Caroline sighed. “I wish she hadn’t moved away,” She thought for a moment, “Can you and me and daddy go and visit her when I’m better?” she asked hopefully.
Her mother’s eyes watered, but she quickly dashed away the tears. “Yes, of course,” she said, a little chokily.
A nurse in teal scrubs walked in, smiling as she saw the bubble and the girl’s excited face reflected in it. “Dr. Ernst will be in with the results in a moment.” she reported before bending over to adjust the IV tubes and Caroline’s scarf.
The mother visibly steeled herself, and a man in a white coat walked in, stethoscope slung over his neck. He wore a confounded expression, and was shaking his head.
“I’ve never seen anything like it Mrs. Richardson,” he paused and looked directly at her, then continued, “I’ve been practicing for 14 years, and I’ve never dreamed it possible. It’s amazing, really, miracle is more the word that comes to mind. Complete remission! A brain tumor the size of a golf ball does not just disappear! It couldn’t have been the chemotherapy, it’s just unbelievable!” He paused for breath, but she broke down sobbing.
“Don’t cry mama!” Caroline said worriedly, but her mother was smiling through her tears.
The nurse happily pulled the doctor-still muttering-out of the room. “Oddest thing…submit it to the board, yes, must do that…darned oddest thing!”
Mrs. Richardson picked Caroline up, and twirled her around in the air. As she giggled, the bubble spun in a corkscrew around them, faster and faster, before finally hovering over their heads, and bathing them in golden light. Strains of seeming Angel-Song filled the room. Then, the bubble popped, fracturing into sparks of rainbow light.
The girl lay smiling, with her eyes closed, seeing her own dream or vision until her mother called:
“Emma! Come for dinner!”
She sat up, grabbing the bubble solution and producing one last batch of bubbles. As she walked inside, she heard part of the news bulletin on TV
“--amazing, complete brain tumor remission! The doctors say it couldn’t have been the chemotherapy, I wonder what could’ve done it Charles…,” a female news anchor was saying.
Smiling quietly to herself, Emma placed the bubble solution and wand on the counter. Then, she answered the woman’s question:
“A miracle, if one chooses to believe”.
Read Reviews
Review 1:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- There needs to be more balance between narration and dialogue. Avoid overdoing the narrative and remember that dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- The protagonist didn’t always respond believably against the backdrop of the story. Ask yourself if people would really answer to a situation in that way. Think about whether the characters’ voices could be more convincing for their age, background, gender, time period, genre, gender and ethnicity. Dialogue should be natural and consistent throughout the story.
Characterization
- Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
- Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
- The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Think about the conflict and tension in your story. How effectively has it been introduced?
Technique and tight writing
- When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Point of view
- Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, i.e. who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Ensure you consistently use the same point of view and tense throughout, either: a) First person; b) Third-person limited; or c) Third-person omniscient.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice. Impressive.
Atmosphere and description
- A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being concise and plausible at the same time is tricky. Giving this further attention could perhaps be worthwhile.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Your great opening was a promise of wonderful things to come. I was hooked!
Review 2:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- There needs to be more balance between narration and dialogue. Avoid overdoing the narrative and remember that dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- The protagonist didn’t always respond believably against the backdrop of the story. Ask yourself if people would really answer to a situation in that way. Think about whether the characters’ voices could be more convincing for their age, background, gender, time period, genre, gender and ethnicity. Dialogue should be natural and consistent throughout the story.
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
- Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
- Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals and conflicts were clearly conveyed.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Think about the conflict and tension in your story. How effectively has it been introduced?
Technique and tight writing
- The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
- Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, i.e. who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Ensure you consistently use the same point of view and tense throughout, either: a) First person; b) Third-person limited; or c) Third-person omniscient.
Style and originality
- Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Your great opening was a promise of wonderful things to come. I was hooked!
Review 3:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The build-up was intriguing and I felt the tension mounting with each word.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Your great opening was a promise of wonderful things to come. I was hooked!