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little girl and secrets twirl
little girl and secrets twirl
a mothers love lead to even bigger love, but a secret made her pay.
0Literary fiction
lorrain rose (United States)
No one expected a small town could hide so many secrets. They hid in the shadows of the town folks yesteryears. There secrets live on today as they never die. The year was 1930 the depression just hit this upstate comminute. A young girl, pearl felt the need to get out of this small town. Gotten sick of looking at tall trees, and mud on the tires. She left one day with all her dreams packed in her suitcase. That suitcase never left her bedside. Didn’t say a word as her family needed her. She still had a job to her name helping out the local grocery store in town.
When she was to close up for the day she finds a young man from the big city come to her parts to look for work with local camps that were hired to clear the land around her, instead he grabbed her heart. Her love was so long, but was even stronger for his wondering spirt. He shortly had no time for love just left her to go where work was never to return. Life went back to normal after he left her. For a spell it was find until the farm was taken away from her family do to her daddies passing and her mother being old. Now it was her turn to be a mother she needed to be. So she left the farm and moved to the next bigger town looking for work. That suitcase finally left the bedside.
That man who was a wonder blessed her with a baby girl. Too bad he left her without knowing he was a father. She found odd jobs sewing, cleaning, not able to stay in one place for much time. Luck finally came calling when her one da started work for a family with two young children. It was her job to keep house. Get the children back and forth to school. The children noticed that they had both parents, but her daughter didn’t. They started to ask questions about her ways and what happened to her husband. That’s when she knew in her mind it was time to looks for a dad for her little girl before it was too late.
She meet a dashing young lad. They feel in love and finally gotten married where he then made their home back in that small town she once knew. Her dashing lad had one flaw. He was on the First World War and when he returned found he could have children of his own will. That’s when he adopted that little girl a and was able to pass on his last name. The thought still stood in her mind that her little one would one day find the truth and hate her for it. Her little girl grew up in a lovely family and had a large family of her own. Her little girl wed and married to have a larger family of her own. Life was going swell until that secret came out of the closet.
Pearl was now older on her death bed. She finally told the secret to her son-in-law. He told him in thought he was never to tell her little girl. He took that to his grave as well, but the bottle never told false hopes. He let it slip to my granddad now I know but I’ll never tell.
When she was to close up for the day she finds a young man from the big city come to her parts to look for work with local camps that were hired to clear the land around her, instead he grabbed her heart. Her love was so long, but was even stronger for his wondering spirt. He shortly had no time for love just left her to go where work was never to return. Life went back to normal after he left her. For a spell it was find until the farm was taken away from her family do to her daddies passing and her mother being old. Now it was her turn to be a mother she needed to be. So she left the farm and moved to the next bigger town looking for work. That suitcase finally left the bedside.
That man who was a wonder blessed her with a baby girl. Too bad he left her without knowing he was a father. She found odd jobs sewing, cleaning, not able to stay in one place for much time. Luck finally came calling when her one da started work for a family with two young children. It was her job to keep house. Get the children back and forth to school. The children noticed that they had both parents, but her daughter didn’t. They started to ask questions about her ways and what happened to her husband. That’s when she knew in her mind it was time to looks for a dad for her little girl before it was too late.
She meet a dashing young lad. They feel in love and finally gotten married where he then made their home back in that small town she once knew. Her dashing lad had one flaw. He was on the First World War and when he returned found he could have children of his own will. That’s when he adopted that little girl a and was able to pass on his last name. The thought still stood in her mind that her little one would one day find the truth and hate her for it. Her little girl grew up in a lovely family and had a large family of her own. Her little girl wed and married to have a larger family of her own. Life was going swell until that secret came out of the closet.
Pearl was now older on her death bed. She finally told the secret to her son-in-law. He told him in thought he was never to tell her little girl. He took that to his grave as well, but the bottle never told false hopes. He let it slip to my granddad now I know but I’ll never tell.
Read Reviews
Review 1:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
- Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals and conflicts were clearly conveyed.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot. A truly absorbing story!
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The build-up was intriguing and I felt the tension mounting with each word.
Technique and tight writing
- The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice. Impressive.
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Your great opening was a promise of wonderful things to come. I was hooked!
- Great stories, nowadays, start with a powerful opening line and compelling hook in order to keep the reader engaged. Have you baited the reader enough?
Review 2:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot. A truly absorbing story!
Technique and tight writing
- The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Review 3:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
- Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals and conflicts were clearly conveyed.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot. A truly absorbing story!
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The build-up was intriguing and I felt the tension mounting with each word.
Technique and tight writing
- The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice. Impressive.
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Your great opening was a promise of wonderful things to come. I was hooked!
- Great stories, nowadays, start with a powerful opening line and compelling hook in order to keep the reader engaged. Have you baited the reader enough?