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boyhood hero
boyhood hero
a boys hero's comes to life as he believes in the unknown
0Historical fiction
gerald stalter (United States)
Boyhood hero
When growing up I was always told the story about a man in our family who was a bad man. It was that story that didn’t set right in my head. There had to be more to his story then what was passed down from these generations that passed. So I did some digging not expecting to find anything about him. When I was asked the question on who my hero was I didn’t know how to answer it. Most think of a cartoon character, or their favorite actor on the moving picture box, but mine was different. I know this person only lived a short life but he has given to me a life time of memories. My hero would be my two times great grandfather, Alexander Colash Totten. Growing up I always heard his story being told, but my brain always questioned that story. His daughter my great grandmother, Gertrude had to grow up never knowing a fact about him. She died not knowing the things that needed to be known. So being the last of my family studying the genealogy I did some digging.
His life was a hard one from the beginning. When his mom passed from a car crash, his father put him and his siblings in an orphanage being his father worked at a farm that wasn’t a place for children. His father thought they were better off there. While there he lost his sister, Elizabeth to a disease that was going through the town at the time. His father, Ira then ran off to Michigan and started a new family. I know this because I found his living relative online. At the age of 15 to 21, he worked odd jobs. When he was 15 he was a servant then when he turned 18 he worked as a farm hand to a Mr. Button. In the mix of all this he married the love of his life, Catherine King. Together they had four children, one being my great grandmother, Gertrude Martha Totten- Conklin, and another girl Genevieve along with Louis, and Robert.
Alexander’s one brother went to Michigan and found his father. when Alex took the trip to go see his unknown family. As he gotten to know them his one step brother convinced him to sign up for the First World War. He took a leave of absents being he found out he became a father again for the fourth time. Alexander returned home expecting his family to be there, however found she took off and he didn’t know where she went leaving the two girls in his care. He found a place to stay in a boarding house also took a job as a carpenter during the day then by night on foot searched for her getting little sleep. Finally he got his act together, and went to the church for help. When he finally found her at her sister’s house he begged her to come back, but she said “no”. He kept going back and getting turned down each time, once he even took the father from his church with him in hopes she come back. Catherine’s sister finally convinced her for the children to see their father.
Alexander couldn’t have his cake then eat it every time he did, he didn’t like the taste of what has shaped and made of his life. One night he took his two girls and left then with a neighbor that he knew would take good care of them. Then he went upstairs and turned the stove on by taking the top of it off letting the smoke, illuminating gas in leaving the windows shut. He then laid his head on the pillow, and fell asleep. The neighbor’s daughter smelt something funny and when she gotten up stairs she found smoke, called the police, and when they came they had to clear the smoke to find his body lying on the bed. The coroner came to the room he called it that he took himself, but I call it a broken heart. All the policeman found was a note in his pocket leading them to where his girls were being taken to before his departure. He was thirty years old in 1922 of the month of August.
When studying my Genealogy, one surname always was put in the corner as I gave more attention to my other genealogical lines. When my grandmother passed I told her I’ll solve that line. I didn’t give up on alexander as I believe it was his spirit that lead me to that information, he wanted his story known.. I solved the mystery she asked me to solve. Just wish she could have been here for it. After finding this information out about alexander my uncle went to my aunt house and brought back a trunk and we found a picture of him after five years of searching. I would like to share his story. He didn’t have an easy life, but he’s my family, his blood runs through me. As I am happy to bring his story to the next generation. He is also my hero. Who would have thought that you could find a hero by looking into the past?
When growing up I was always told the story about a man in our family who was a bad man. It was that story that didn’t set right in my head. There had to be more to his story then what was passed down from these generations that passed. So I did some digging not expecting to find anything about him. When I was asked the question on who my hero was I didn’t know how to answer it. Most think of a cartoon character, or their favorite actor on the moving picture box, but mine was different. I know this person only lived a short life but he has given to me a life time of memories. My hero would be my two times great grandfather, Alexander Colash Totten. Growing up I always heard his story being told, but my brain always questioned that story. His daughter my great grandmother, Gertrude had to grow up never knowing a fact about him. She died not knowing the things that needed to be known. So being the last of my family studying the genealogy I did some digging.
His life was a hard one from the beginning. When his mom passed from a car crash, his father put him and his siblings in an orphanage being his father worked at a farm that wasn’t a place for children. His father thought they were better off there. While there he lost his sister, Elizabeth to a disease that was going through the town at the time. His father, Ira then ran off to Michigan and started a new family. I know this because I found his living relative online. At the age of 15 to 21, he worked odd jobs. When he was 15 he was a servant then when he turned 18 he worked as a farm hand to a Mr. Button. In the mix of all this he married the love of his life, Catherine King. Together they had four children, one being my great grandmother, Gertrude Martha Totten- Conklin, and another girl Genevieve along with Louis, and Robert.
Alexander’s one brother went to Michigan and found his father. when Alex took the trip to go see his unknown family. As he gotten to know them his one step brother convinced him to sign up for the First World War. He took a leave of absents being he found out he became a father again for the fourth time. Alexander returned home expecting his family to be there, however found she took off and he didn’t know where she went leaving the two girls in his care. He found a place to stay in a boarding house also took a job as a carpenter during the day then by night on foot searched for her getting little sleep. Finally he got his act together, and went to the church for help. When he finally found her at her sister’s house he begged her to come back, but she said “no”. He kept going back and getting turned down each time, once he even took the father from his church with him in hopes she come back. Catherine’s sister finally convinced her for the children to see their father.
Alexander couldn’t have his cake then eat it every time he did, he didn’t like the taste of what has shaped and made of his life. One night he took his two girls and left then with a neighbor that he knew would take good care of them. Then he went upstairs and turned the stove on by taking the top of it off letting the smoke, illuminating gas in leaving the windows shut. He then laid his head on the pillow, and fell asleep. The neighbor’s daughter smelt something funny and when she gotten up stairs she found smoke, called the police, and when they came they had to clear the smoke to find his body lying on the bed. The coroner came to the room he called it that he took himself, but I call it a broken heart. All the policeman found was a note in his pocket leading them to where his girls were being taken to before his departure. He was thirty years old in 1922 of the month of August.
When studying my Genealogy, one surname always was put in the corner as I gave more attention to my other genealogical lines. When my grandmother passed I told her I’ll solve that line. I didn’t give up on alexander as I believe it was his spirit that lead me to that information, he wanted his story known.. I solved the mystery she asked me to solve. Just wish she could have been here for it. After finding this information out about alexander my uncle went to my aunt house and brought back a trunk and we found a picture of him after five years of searching. I would like to share his story. He didn’t have an easy life, but he’s my family, his blood runs through me. As I am happy to bring his story to the next generation. He is also my hero. Who would have thought that you could find a hero by looking into the past?
Read Reviews
Review 1:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
- Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
- The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The build-up was intriguing and I felt the tension mounting with each word.
Technique and tight writing
- When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Atmosphere and description
- A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being concise and plausible at the same time is tricky. Giving this further attention could perhaps be worthwhile.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Your great opening was a promise of wonderful things to come. I was hooked!
Review 2:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- There needs to be more balance between narration and dialogue. Avoid overdoing the narrative and remember that dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- The protagonist didn’t always respond believably against the backdrop of the story. Ask yourself if people would really answer to a situation in that way. Think about whether the characters’ voices could be more convincing for their age, background, gender, time period, genre, gender and ethnicity. Dialogue should be natural and consistent throughout the story.
Characterization
- Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
- Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals and conflicts were clearly conveyed.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The build-up was intriguing and I felt the tension mounting with each word.
Technique and tight writing
- When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Point of view
- Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, i.e. who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Ensure you consistently use the same point of view and tense throughout, either: a) First person; b) Third-person limited; or c) Third-person omniscient.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice. Impressive.
Atmosphere and description
- A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being concise and plausible at the same time is tricky. Giving this further attention could perhaps be worthwhile.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Your great opening was a promise of wonderful things to come. I was hooked!
Review 3:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
- The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Think about the conflict and tension in your story. How effectively has it been introduced?
Technique and tight writing
- When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Point of view
- Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, i.e. who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Ensure you consistently use the same point of view and tense throughout, either: a) First person; b) Third-person limited; or c) Third-person omniscient.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice. Impressive.
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being concise and plausible at the same time is tricky. Giving this further attention could perhaps be worthwhile.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Your great opening was a promise of wonderful things to come. I was hooked!