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mrs
mrs
Story of never giving up one something you really want in life.
1Action / Adventure
Karoshni Perumal (South Africa)
The Ambitious Violet
There was a beautiful and fragrant violet who lived placidly
amongst her friends, and swayed happily amidst the other
flowers in a solitary garden.One morning, as her crown was
embellished with beads of dew, she lifted her head and
looked about; she saw a tall handsome rose standing
proudly and reaching high into space; like a burning torch
upon an emerald lamp.
The violet opened her blue lips and said;"What an
unfortunate am I among these flowers; and how humble
is the position I occupy in their presence! Nature has
fashioned me to be short and poor. . . . I live close to
the earth and I cannot raise my head toward the blue
sky, or turn my face to the sun, as the roses do."
The rose heard her neigbours words; she laughed and
commented, "How strange is your talk! you are fortunate,
and yet you cannot understand your fortune. Nature has
bestowed upon you frangrance and beauty which she did
not grant to any other. . . . cast aside our thoughts and be
contented and remember that he who humbles himself
will be exalted, and he exalts himself will be crashed."
The violet answered, "You are consoling me because you
have that which I crave. . . . you seek to embitter me with
the meaning that you are great. . . . how painful is the
preaching of the fortunate to the heart of the miserable!
and how severe is the strong when he stands as advisor
among the weak!" and nature heard the conversation of
the violet and the rose; she approached and said," What
has happened to you; my daughter Violet? you have been
humble and sweet in all your deeds and words. Has greed
entered your heart and numbed your senses?" in a pleading
voice, the violet answered her, saying," oh great and merciful
mother, full of love and sympathy, I beg you, with all my heart
and soul, to grant my request and allow me to be a rose for a
day," and nature responed," you know not what you are seeking;
you are unaware of the concealed disaster behind your blind
ambition. If you were a rose you would be sorry, and repentance
would avail you but haught." the violet insisted," change me into
a tall rose, for I wish to left my head high with pride; and regardless
of my fate; it will be my own doing."nature yielded, saying "Oh ignorant
and rebellious violet, I will grant your request, but if calamity befalls you
your complaint must be to yourself."and nature stretched forth her
mysterious and magical fingers and touched the roots of the violet,
who immediately turned into a tall rose, rasing above all other flowers
in the garden. At eventide the sky became thick with black clouds, and the raging elements disturbed the silence of existence with thunder, and commenced to attack the garden, sending forth a great rain and strong winds. The tempest tore the branches and uprooted the plants and broke the stems of the tall flowers, sparing only the little ones who grew close to the earth. That solitary garden suffered greatly from the belligerent skies, and when the storm calmed and the sky cleared, all the flowers were laid wasted and none of them had escaped thr wrath of nature except the clan of small violets, hidding by the wall of the garden.
Having lifted her head and viewed the tragedy of the flowers and trees, one of the violet maidens smiled happily and called to her companions, saying"see what the tempest has done to the haughty flowers!" another violet said" we are small, and live close to the earth, but we are safe from Ithe wrath of the skies." A third one added," because we are poor in height the tempest is unable to subdue us."
At that moment the queen of the violets saw by her side the converted violet, hurled to earth by the storm and distorted upon the wet grass like a limp soldier in a battle field. The queen of the violets lifted her head and called to her family, saying," look my daughters, and meditate upon that which greed has done to the violet who became a proud rose for one hour, let the memory of this scene be a reminder of your good fortune." and the dying rose moved and gathered thr remnants of her strendnght, and quietly said,"you are contented and meek dullards; I have never feared the tempest. Yesterday I, too, was satisfied and contented with life, but contentment has acted as a barrier between my existence and the tempest of life, confining me to a sickly and sluggish peace and tranquility of mind.I could have lived the same life you are living now by clinging with fear to the earth ..... I could hav waited for winter to shroud me with snow and deliver me to death, who will surely claim all violets. . . . I am happy now because I have probed outside my little world into the mystery of the universe . . . . something which you have not done. I could have overlooked greed, whose nature is higher than mine, but as I hearkened to the silence of the night, I heard the heavenly world talking to this earthly world, saying,"ambition beyond existence is the essential purpose of our being." At that moment my spirit revolted and my heart longed for a position higher than my limited existence. I realized that the abyss cannot hear the song of the stars, and at that moment I commenced fighting against my smallness andcraving fro that which did not belong to me, until my rebellousness turned into a great power and my longing into acreating will. . . . nature, who is the great object of our deeper dreams, granted my request and changed me into a rose with her magic fingers.
The rose became silent for a moment, and in a weakening voice, mingled with pride and achievement, she said," I have lived an hour a a proud rose; I have heard he whisper of the firmament through thr ears of the rose petals. Is there any here who can claim such honour?" having thus spoken, she lowered her head, and with a chocking voice she grasped,"I shall die now, for my soul has attainted it`s goal.I have finally extended my knowledge to the world beyond the narrow cavern of my birth. This is the design of light . . . . this is the secret of existence." Then the rose quivered, slowly folded her petals, and breathed her last with a heavenly smile upon her lips. . . . A smile of fulfilment of hope and purpose in life.... A smile of victory ....A GOD`S SMILE.
There was a beautiful and fragrant violet who lived placidly
amongst her friends, and swayed happily amidst the other
flowers in a solitary garden.One morning, as her crown was
embellished with beads of dew, she lifted her head and
looked about; she saw a tall handsome rose standing
proudly and reaching high into space; like a burning torch
upon an emerald lamp.
The violet opened her blue lips and said;"What an
unfortunate am I among these flowers; and how humble
is the position I occupy in their presence! Nature has
fashioned me to be short and poor. . . . I live close to
the earth and I cannot raise my head toward the blue
sky, or turn my face to the sun, as the roses do."
The rose heard her neigbours words; she laughed and
commented, "How strange is your talk! you are fortunate,
and yet you cannot understand your fortune. Nature has
bestowed upon you frangrance and beauty which she did
not grant to any other. . . . cast aside our thoughts and be
contented and remember that he who humbles himself
will be exalted, and he exalts himself will be crashed."
The violet answered, "You are consoling me because you
have that which I crave. . . . you seek to embitter me with
the meaning that you are great. . . . how painful is the
preaching of the fortunate to the heart of the miserable!
and how severe is the strong when he stands as advisor
among the weak!" and nature heard the conversation of
the violet and the rose; she approached and said," What
has happened to you; my daughter Violet? you have been
humble and sweet in all your deeds and words. Has greed
entered your heart and numbed your senses?" in a pleading
voice, the violet answered her, saying," oh great and merciful
mother, full of love and sympathy, I beg you, with all my heart
and soul, to grant my request and allow me to be a rose for a
day," and nature responed," you know not what you are seeking;
you are unaware of the concealed disaster behind your blind
ambition. If you were a rose you would be sorry, and repentance
would avail you but haught." the violet insisted," change me into
a tall rose, for I wish to left my head high with pride; and regardless
of my fate; it will be my own doing."nature yielded, saying "Oh ignorant
and rebellious violet, I will grant your request, but if calamity befalls you
your complaint must be to yourself."and nature stretched forth her
mysterious and magical fingers and touched the roots of the violet,
who immediately turned into a tall rose, rasing above all other flowers
in the garden. At eventide the sky became thick with black clouds, and the raging elements disturbed the silence of existence with thunder, and commenced to attack the garden, sending forth a great rain and strong winds. The tempest tore the branches and uprooted the plants and broke the stems of the tall flowers, sparing only the little ones who grew close to the earth. That solitary garden suffered greatly from the belligerent skies, and when the storm calmed and the sky cleared, all the flowers were laid wasted and none of them had escaped thr wrath of nature except the clan of small violets, hidding by the wall of the garden.
Having lifted her head and viewed the tragedy of the flowers and trees, one of the violet maidens smiled happily and called to her companions, saying"see what the tempest has done to the haughty flowers!" another violet said" we are small, and live close to the earth, but we are safe from Ithe wrath of the skies." A third one added," because we are poor in height the tempest is unable to subdue us."
At that moment the queen of the violets saw by her side the converted violet, hurled to earth by the storm and distorted upon the wet grass like a limp soldier in a battle field. The queen of the violets lifted her head and called to her family, saying," look my daughters, and meditate upon that which greed has done to the violet who became a proud rose for one hour, let the memory of this scene be a reminder of your good fortune." and the dying rose moved and gathered thr remnants of her strendnght, and quietly said,"you are contented and meek dullards; I have never feared the tempest. Yesterday I, too, was satisfied and contented with life, but contentment has acted as a barrier between my existence and the tempest of life, confining me to a sickly and sluggish peace and tranquility of mind.I could have lived the same life you are living now by clinging with fear to the earth ..... I could hav waited for winter to shroud me with snow and deliver me to death, who will surely claim all violets. . . . I am happy now because I have probed outside my little world into the mystery of the universe . . . . something which you have not done. I could have overlooked greed, whose nature is higher than mine, but as I hearkened to the silence of the night, I heard the heavenly world talking to this earthly world, saying,"ambition beyond existence is the essential purpose of our being." At that moment my spirit revolted and my heart longed for a position higher than my limited existence. I realized that the abyss cannot hear the song of the stars, and at that moment I commenced fighting against my smallness andcraving fro that which did not belong to me, until my rebellousness turned into a great power and my longing into acreating will. . . . nature, who is the great object of our deeper dreams, granted my request and changed me into a rose with her magic fingers.
The rose became silent for a moment, and in a weakening voice, mingled with pride and achievement, she said," I have lived an hour a a proud rose; I have heard he whisper of the firmament through thr ears of the rose petals. Is there any here who can claim such honour?" having thus spoken, she lowered her head, and with a chocking voice she grasped,"I shall die now, for my soul has attainted it`s goal.I have finally extended my knowledge to the world beyond the narrow cavern of my birth. This is the design of light . . . . this is the secret of existence." Then the rose quivered, slowly folded her petals, and breathed her last with a heavenly smile upon her lips. . . . A smile of fulfilment of hope and purpose in life.... A smile of victory ....A GOD`S SMILE.
Read Reviews
Review 1:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- The protagonist didn’t always respond believably against the backdrop of the story. Ask yourself if people would really answer to a situation in that way. Think about whether the characters’ voices could be more convincing for their age, background, gender, time period, genre, gender and ethnicity. Dialogue should be natural and consistent throughout the story.
Characterization
- Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
- Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals and conflicts were clearly conveyed.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Think about the conflict and tension in your story. How effectively has it been introduced?
Technique and tight writing
- The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice. Impressive.
Atmosphere and description
- A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being concise and plausible at the same time is tricky. Giving this further attention could perhaps be worthwhile.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Your great opening was a promise of wonderful things to come. I was hooked!
Review 2:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- There needs to be more balance between narration and dialogue. Avoid overdoing the narrative and remember that dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
- Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals and conflicts were clearly conveyed.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The build-up was intriguing and I felt the tension mounting with each word.
Technique and tight writing
- When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice. Impressive.
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Your great opening was a promise of wonderful things to come. I was hooked!
Review 3:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- There needs to be more balance between narration and dialogue. Avoid overdoing the narrative and remember that dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
- Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals and conflicts were clearly conveyed.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Think about the conflict and tension in your story. How effectively has it been introduced?
Technique and tight writing
- The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice. Impressive.
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Your great opening was a promise of wonderful things to come. I was hooked!