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Silver Tears I Cry
Silver Tears I Cry
Sarah has made many mistakes in life and she is at an all-time low. Her days and nights seem to be dragging out and time is spiraling into one black mass that seems endless. Her tears are falling as she reflects over her past and she sees no light at the end of the tunnel. One mistake has always led to another and it entangles her into the darkened void of heartache until one night she received a visit from an angel that will change her life forever…is this the end or the beginning?
0Literary fiction
Becky Hosey (United States)
Silver Tears
She leaned over the window and looked down to the ground. Her heart was still pounding and she could feel the beads of sweat running down her back. She shook her head to the side and felt the sides of her hair sway and swing back into place. She sat with her resting against the windowpane as she looked out into the dark night. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she used her left hand to wipe them away but they fell faster than she was able to keep up with. The sky was dark as the moon played hide and seek behind the clouds. The night was her favorite time when all was quiet and she could take a second to breathe. But these last few months and years had been the hardest that she had known. She had lost her mother and her only tie to comfort and a sense of belonging. Her mother had been her best friend and was the person that she went to when she needed comfort or had something important to tell.
Life had not been easy over the last several years. She had many regrets and not many people that she could talk to about her problems. She thought back to the past and she wished the she could go back and rewrite history and wipe out any hurt or anger and replace it with peace and acceptance. She was not living alone in her house but she felt the most alone that she had her known. What happened to her life to make it turn around like this? This was not how it had started and this was not where she imagined that she would end up. Her hands were on her side and she could fell the smooth wood paneling as she leaned forward. The breeze was blowing slight and it was refreshing for just a moment or two. She closed her eyes blocked out the rest of the night and its sounds. Her heart was beating unevenly; her chest was hurting a little from the pain the she held deep within her soul. She felt the tears starting to pool in her eyes and soon they threatened to spill over her lashes. She held her hands at her side as she balled them into a fist. She let the tears fall and did not bother to stop them from calling. She could feel the front of her shirt start to get wet and her nose was starting to run. She went into the bathroom and found some tissue; she blew her nose and tossed the tissue into the can. She looked into the mirror and saw that her eyes were red and her nose was red too. The rest of her face was pale and there were purple circles under her eyes. She pushed away from the mirror and walked out of the room. She could never look at her reflection for any longer than was necessary.
She tried to sit alone each night and imagine that her mother was able to hear her and she would discuss the events of the day and she could almost hear her mother’s reply. She would close her eyes and lean her head against the window panes, feel the cool glass against her cheek, and her ears were keen to the blowing wind or an occasional hooting owl. Sometimes the feeling of loneliness would disappear and she felt less alone if only for a short time. Her mind would often wander back to the past and she recalled childhood scenes. She was one of three girls but she was the baby and the closest to her mother. She was a mother herself and found it to be the most difficult thing each day and she had a husband to help her. She could not imagine what her mother went through each day and night as she lay in her bed and went over the events of the day. Her husband worked third shift and they barely saw each other in passing. Each year seemed to see them getting further and further apart as they said few words barely managed any physical contact and went along their way to jobs and activities. The left side of the bed was empty as her husband was working and she tried to sleep. In the beginning she would reach out and pat the pillow and mattress as if she was searching for him but no one was there. Each day pass and her hands reached out less and less until one day she slipped into bed and did not look in the direction of his side and she drifted off to sleep on her own. Loneliness started to become a companion that she became so used to. She ate meals with her child and waved as he walked the path to the bus stop, she washed the dishes and packed her lunch and started to leave for the work day.
Her son left for the day and she settle into her car and prepared to go to work just the same as she had done for many days before. The road stretched out in front of her and she could have closed her eyes and never watched where she was driving and she would have ended up in her parking space at work and she could walk blindfolded to the door and her desk. She speed in the parking lot and took a quite drink from the thermos that was at her side. It was filled with orange juice and just enough vodka to help give her the courage that she needed to make it through the difficult day ahead. Each day had just started with a sip or two until it was more and more. She had noticed one night that she was able to breathe a little better and she slept after having a drink and each day after that started with a small sip until she found that she could not start the day without one. It was a secret that she kept quiet for fear that this was one more thing that would be taken away from her. She was careful not to drink before leaving the house and never when she knew that she would have her son alone or she would have to drive anywhere. It was her secret safety button and her drink doesn’t want to reveal it or have it taken away.
She leaned over the window and looked down to the ground. Her heart was still pounding and she could feel the beads of sweat running down her back. She shook her head to the side and felt the sides of her hair sway and swing back into place. She sat with her resting against the windowpane as she looked out into the dark night. Tears were streaming down her cheeks and she used her left hand to wipe them away but they fell faster than she was able to keep up with. The sky was dark as the moon played hide and seek behind the clouds. The night was her favorite time when all was quiet and she could take a second to breathe. But these last few months and years had been the hardest that she had known. She had lost her mother and her only tie to comfort and a sense of belonging. Her mother had been her best friend and was the person that she went to when she needed comfort or had something important to tell.
Life had not been easy over the last several years. She had many regrets and not many people that she could talk to about her problems. She thought back to the past and she wished the she could go back and rewrite history and wipe out any hurt or anger and replace it with peace and acceptance. She was not living alone in her house but she felt the most alone that she had her known. What happened to her life to make it turn around like this? This was not how it had started and this was not where she imagined that she would end up. Her hands were on her side and she could fell the smooth wood paneling as she leaned forward. The breeze was blowing slight and it was refreshing for just a moment or two. She closed her eyes blocked out the rest of the night and its sounds. Her heart was beating unevenly; her chest was hurting a little from the pain the she held deep within her soul. She felt the tears starting to pool in her eyes and soon they threatened to spill over her lashes. She held her hands at her side as she balled them into a fist. She let the tears fall and did not bother to stop them from calling. She could feel the front of her shirt start to get wet and her nose was starting to run. She went into the bathroom and found some tissue; she blew her nose and tossed the tissue into the can. She looked into the mirror and saw that her eyes were red and her nose was red too. The rest of her face was pale and there were purple circles under her eyes. She pushed away from the mirror and walked out of the room. She could never look at her reflection for any longer than was necessary.
She tried to sit alone each night and imagine that her mother was able to hear her and she would discuss the events of the day and she could almost hear her mother’s reply. She would close her eyes and lean her head against the window panes, feel the cool glass against her cheek, and her ears were keen to the blowing wind or an occasional hooting owl. Sometimes the feeling of loneliness would disappear and she felt less alone if only for a short time. Her mind would often wander back to the past and she recalled childhood scenes. She was one of three girls but she was the baby and the closest to her mother. She was a mother herself and found it to be the most difficult thing each day and she had a husband to help her. She could not imagine what her mother went through each day and night as she lay in her bed and went over the events of the day. Her husband worked third shift and they barely saw each other in passing. Each year seemed to see them getting further and further apart as they said few words barely managed any physical contact and went along their way to jobs and activities. The left side of the bed was empty as her husband was working and she tried to sleep. In the beginning she would reach out and pat the pillow and mattress as if she was searching for him but no one was there. Each day pass and her hands reached out less and less until one day she slipped into bed and did not look in the direction of his side and she drifted off to sleep on her own. Loneliness started to become a companion that she became so used to. She ate meals with her child and waved as he walked the path to the bus stop, she washed the dishes and packed her lunch and started to leave for the work day.
Her son left for the day and she settle into her car and prepared to go to work just the same as she had done for many days before. The road stretched out in front of her and she could have closed her eyes and never watched where she was driving and she would have ended up in her parking space at work and she could walk blindfolded to the door and her desk. She speed in the parking lot and took a quite drink from the thermos that was at her side. It was filled with orange juice and just enough vodka to help give her the courage that she needed to make it through the difficult day ahead. Each day had just started with a sip or two until it was more and more. She had noticed one night that she was able to breathe a little better and she slept after having a drink and each day after that started with a small sip until she found that she could not start the day without one. It was a secret that she kept quiet for fear that this was one more thing that would be taken away from her. She was careful not to drink before leaving the house and never when she knew that she would have her son alone or she would have to drive anywhere. It was her secret safety button and her drink doesn’t want to reveal it or have it taken away.
Read Reviews
Review 1:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Character conflict
- The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot.
Technique and tight writing
- When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Atmosphere and description
- A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being concise and plausible at the same time is tricky. Giving this further attention could perhaps be worthwhile.
Opening line and hook
- Great books, nowadays, start with a powerful opening and compelling hook in order to keep the reader engaged. Have you baited the reader enough?
Review 2:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- There needs to be more balance between narration and dialogue. Avoid overdoing the narrative and remember that dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
- Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals, conflicts and purpose were clearly introduced and I wanted to find out more about them.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Technique and tight writing
- When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Point of view
- Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, i.e. who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Ensure you consistently use the same point of view and tense throughout.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice.
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being concise and plausible at the same time is tricky. Giving this further attention could perhaps be worthwhile.
Opening line and hook
- Your strong opening and compelling hook was a promise of wonderful things to come!
General comments from your fellow writer 2:
I really loved the description. You have a real way with words. I really felt for your character and could sympathise with her. However, I felt your story lacked a plot? If this is the opening to a book, then you need a catchy story opener or hook to real the reader in, some dramatic event for example? What happened when she drank? Maybe she had a accident that cause her to loose custody or fight for her sobriety? Apart from the descriptive parts of her life, the story seemed to lack events/plot? Maybe give us some clues about where the story is going? A reason to keep reading? Also, give your main character a name. Starting every sentence with 'She' is repetitive. By giving her a name, you are only strengthening her identity. Keep up the good work! Loved the moon playing hide and seek line!Review 3:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
- Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
- Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals, conflicts and purpose were clearly introduced and I wanted to find out more about them.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot.
Technique and tight writing
- The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice.
Atmosphere and description
- A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being concise and plausible at the same time is tricky. Giving this further attention could perhaps be worthwhile.
Opening line and hook
- Your strong opening and compelling hook was a promise of wonderful things to come!