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The Devil on My Back
The Devil on My Back
A simple story of the past, not even your own past that pushes the tears to the forefront of your eyes. So I am here to relive my darkest moments and you are here to witness my fortress of solitude become nothing but rubble upon the earth.
1Coming-of-age / Young adult fiction
Miesha Lowery (United States)
The Devil on My Back
INTRO:
This story doesn’t have a happy ending, at least not yet. So I am just going to tell you what you don’t want to know. What can I say? I am not here to entertain you or start a group for victims. I like to keep my issues drawn but occasionally the passage of time or a meaningful song, crush the barriers surrounding my soul and the truth leaks out.
A simple story of the past, not even your own past that pushes the tears to the forefront of your eyes. So I am here to relive my darkest moments and you are here to witness my fortress of solitude become nothing but rubble upon the earth. It’s time to open that gate to Hell and let the ghouls come out and play. Just keep in mind; it’s hard to dance with the Devil on your back.
I tried to leave the past behind me, swallowing every knife that would regurgitate itself;
When hearing her story of fighting the Devil that consumed her on a daily and nightly basis left me no choice but to face it.
After so many times of clawing at her coffin with darkness engulfing her, she tried to shake it off but she wasn’t strong enough, so she thought.
Here I am facing everyone but more importantly I am facing the Devil. Her story is still going but happiness has never stayed with her throughout 50 years of her life. Honestly, looking at her, she is nothing like the woman I spent twenty-two years with. She is just a shell of a person.
Every demon wants its pound of flesh and for her there is nothing left to take. And for me, I kept willingly giving my flesh to him after the fact. I just wanted it out of me; I carved at my own flesh because over the years I became numb, as did she.
Just shake him off…
It is never that simple, my darling. I’m always dragging that dead weight around and…I am tired. She is tired, in fact she wants to finally let go, but she doesn’t know how. She suffered mentally, emotionally, spiritually and most of all physically because of the Devil. He toyed with her, consumed her just because he can. He’s the Devil and he destroys your innocence first.
Then your mind, next your body and finally, saving the best for last…your soul.
Her soul…
My soul…
So shake it out…
“Will this ever end?” she asks to no one. This is happening to her and throughout the years it followed her, lingering and poisoning everything around her. She wants to know what love is like. Her own mother didn’t know how to show love to her unclean daughter. So she retreated into herself, into physical “love” because that is all she was cursed with experiencing.
‘Physical Attention.’
Her body was forced to abort a living soul, was she relieved or was she devastated? Only she knows that. I am not sure I can handle either answer.
Because she likes to keep her issues drawn…
Every day she relives her darkest moments because of certain triggers:
Her Mother; if only she cared enough to protect her from the Demon that tortured her.
Her Sister; because she is too close to the flame and denial was her firepower.
Her Body; Scars that will never be visible to anyone but her.
It’s always darkest before the Dawn…
And that is when the Devil rises and makes his presence known; Whispering in the thick of the night cooing in your ear, caressing your warm skin just because he can. He needs no permission to slowly destroy you from the inside out. His touch is poison seeping through your pores.
“Shh, little one.”
As I laid there staring up at the ceiling looking for Heaven but instead I found the Devil in me. And he stayed…
I can never leave the past behind and neither could she. There is a dark karma that follows her throughout the rest of her life. Failed relationships, two little girls by two different men; she knew she’d never find love, peace and happiness if she keeps dragging that dead weight around. So she fights…Fights for the wrong reasons with the wrong people. She fights men; blood, flesh and bruises that appear upon their body. Her soul continues to be tainted not because she’s angry, but because she’s not fighting for the right reasons. Fight for you soul, sweet child.
Shake it out…
It’s always darkest before the Dawn. And he never fails to miss an unwanted appointment. I hate myself more than I hate him. I have let him devour my soul for 20 years because I believed I deserved it. NO MORE! No more self pitying, no more blaming myself for attracting such darkness. I am done dragging that dead weight around, tonight I am burying that fucker in the ground!
Yes it’s hard to dance with the Devil on my back but I am done with him. But are you?
She doesn’t see a way out of his grip; she’ll secretly blame herself for what happened to her daughters. Her daughters were more than victims, they were cursed with the same darkness the moment the Devil penetrated her body.
“I’ve been a fool and I have been blind,” she cries to herself. Deep down she knew she couldn’t leave the past behind. She did everything in her power to protect her little girls from the Devil. She fought like hell but he found them and he played with them.
“Face your fears, your anger and your hurt, mom. I will face them with you, I promise. Because regrets collect like old friends, aren’t you tired? We have no more to give him. I don’t blame you, I never have. So please stop blaming yourself.
“I know it hard to dance with the Devil on your back so shake him off. It is time to bury the things that don’t matter anymore. The things that are holding you back. It may always be darkest before the dawn but there is always light after the dark.
Just shake it out mom.
-MIESHA C LOWERY
INTRO:
This story doesn’t have a happy ending, at least not yet. So I am just going to tell you what you don’t want to know. What can I say? I am not here to entertain you or start a group for victims. I like to keep my issues drawn but occasionally the passage of time or a meaningful song, crush the barriers surrounding my soul and the truth leaks out.
A simple story of the past, not even your own past that pushes the tears to the forefront of your eyes. So I am here to relive my darkest moments and you are here to witness my fortress of solitude become nothing but rubble upon the earth. It’s time to open that gate to Hell and let the ghouls come out and play. Just keep in mind; it’s hard to dance with the Devil on your back.
I tried to leave the past behind me, swallowing every knife that would regurgitate itself;
When hearing her story of fighting the Devil that consumed her on a daily and nightly basis left me no choice but to face it.
After so many times of clawing at her coffin with darkness engulfing her, she tried to shake it off but she wasn’t strong enough, so she thought.
Here I am facing everyone but more importantly I am facing the Devil. Her story is still going but happiness has never stayed with her throughout 50 years of her life. Honestly, looking at her, she is nothing like the woman I spent twenty-two years with. She is just a shell of a person.
Every demon wants its pound of flesh and for her there is nothing left to take. And for me, I kept willingly giving my flesh to him after the fact. I just wanted it out of me; I carved at my own flesh because over the years I became numb, as did she.
Just shake him off…
It is never that simple, my darling. I’m always dragging that dead weight around and…I am tired. She is tired, in fact she wants to finally let go, but she doesn’t know how. She suffered mentally, emotionally, spiritually and most of all physically because of the Devil. He toyed with her, consumed her just because he can. He’s the Devil and he destroys your innocence first.
Then your mind, next your body and finally, saving the best for last…your soul.
Her soul…
My soul…
So shake it out…
“Will this ever end?” she asks to no one. This is happening to her and throughout the years it followed her, lingering and poisoning everything around her. She wants to know what love is like. Her own mother didn’t know how to show love to her unclean daughter. So she retreated into herself, into physical “love” because that is all she was cursed with experiencing.
‘Physical Attention.’
Her body was forced to abort a living soul, was she relieved or was she devastated? Only she knows that. I am not sure I can handle either answer.
Because she likes to keep her issues drawn…
Every day she relives her darkest moments because of certain triggers:
Her Mother; if only she cared enough to protect her from the Demon that tortured her.
Her Sister; because she is too close to the flame and denial was her firepower.
Her Body; Scars that will never be visible to anyone but her.
It’s always darkest before the Dawn…
And that is when the Devil rises and makes his presence known; Whispering in the thick of the night cooing in your ear, caressing your warm skin just because he can. He needs no permission to slowly destroy you from the inside out. His touch is poison seeping through your pores.
“Shh, little one.”
As I laid there staring up at the ceiling looking for Heaven but instead I found the Devil in me. And he stayed…
I can never leave the past behind and neither could she. There is a dark karma that follows her throughout the rest of her life. Failed relationships, two little girls by two different men; she knew she’d never find love, peace and happiness if she keeps dragging that dead weight around. So she fights…Fights for the wrong reasons with the wrong people. She fights men; blood, flesh and bruises that appear upon their body. Her soul continues to be tainted not because she’s angry, but because she’s not fighting for the right reasons. Fight for you soul, sweet child.
Shake it out…
It’s always darkest before the Dawn. And he never fails to miss an unwanted appointment. I hate myself more than I hate him. I have let him devour my soul for 20 years because I believed I deserved it. NO MORE! No more self pitying, no more blaming myself for attracting such darkness. I am done dragging that dead weight around, tonight I am burying that fucker in the ground!
Yes it’s hard to dance with the Devil on my back but I am done with him. But are you?
She doesn’t see a way out of his grip; she’ll secretly blame herself for what happened to her daughters. Her daughters were more than victims, they were cursed with the same darkness the moment the Devil penetrated her body.
“I’ve been a fool and I have been blind,” she cries to herself. Deep down she knew she couldn’t leave the past behind. She did everything in her power to protect her little girls from the Devil. She fought like hell but he found them and he played with them.
“Face your fears, your anger and your hurt, mom. I will face them with you, I promise. Because regrets collect like old friends, aren’t you tired? We have no more to give him. I don’t blame you, I never have. So please stop blaming yourself.
“I know it hard to dance with the Devil on your back so shake him off. It is time to bury the things that don’t matter anymore. The things that are holding you back. It may always be darkest before the dawn but there is always light after the dark.
Just shake it out mom.
-MIESHA C LOWERY
Read Reviews
Review 1:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing.
Character conflict
- Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals and conflicts were clearly conveyed.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The build-up was intriguing and I felt the tension mounting with each word.
Technique and tight writing
- The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
- Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, i.e. who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Ensure you consistently use the same point of view and tense throughout.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice.
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being concise and plausible at the same time is tricky. Giving this further attention could perhaps be worthwhile.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Your strong opening was a promise of wonderful things to come!
General comments from your fellow writer 1:
I found your story very interesting. The emotions that I got out of this story were so touching. I love how you use the Devil to describe everything in the story, it was a really nice touch. There were some parts of the story that were a bit unclear and confusing though, make sure that everything is distinguished and the scenes don't mix in with each other too much.Review 2:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing.
Technique and tight writing
- When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Point of view
- Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, i.e. who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Ensure you consistently use the same point of view and tense throughout.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Your strong opening was a promise of wonderful things to come!
General comments from your fellow writer 2:
This was a powerful story of a child's observations of how watching her mother's actions influenced her own decisions and the path her life has taken. Oftentimes, we don't realize how our own lives are shaped by the actions of our parents. We like to think that our successes and failures are our own, or else we 'blame' our parents for not doing enough or trying hard enough to make our lives better. It's not always easy to see our parents in an objective light and admit they are human too and though they have their faults, they have done and are doing the best they can with the tools they have. This was a nice reminder of that and that sometimes, it takes a helping hand to shake that devil off, if even for just a moment, and smile.Review 3:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
- Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
- Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals and conflicts were clearly conveyed.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The build-up was intriguing and I felt the tension mounting with each word.
Technique and tight writing
- When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Point of view
- Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, i.e. who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Ensure you consistently use the same point of view and tense throughout.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice.
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Your strong opening was a promise of wonderful things to come!