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The Princess and The Goddess
The Princess and The Goddess
In one moment, your whole life can change and you find your soulmate.
0Romance / Women's fiction
Erika Torres (United States)
If she thought for just one moment that what could be found in the arms of the goddess that was standing before her was destined to last beyond the momentary blissful oblivion of this one night in her bed, she would’ve gladly surrendered herself the moment. But she knew the truth. This was only going to last the night. In the harsh light of the morning sun, her goddess would vanish from her life and she might never see her again. A momentary itch, scratched and relieved. Her goddess would leave her, without a backward glance, and move on to the next conquest, the next challenge.
She knows this is what will happen, even as she gives in and removes her clothing. She can’t help it. She would rather have one night of explosive passion, overwhelming bliss, and unparalleled emotions with her goddess, than to safeguard her heart by rejecting what she was being offered.
She savors every moment, committing every detail to memory. She learns and memorizes the feel of soft, silky skin beneath her fingertips. She uses her hands, her lips and her tongue to map every inch of the body in her bed, creating memories with every languid caress. Memories she knows will be the only things to keep her sane after tonight.
On the cold, lonely nights after her goddess leaves, her memories will be the only warmth and comfort she’ll find. So she takes her time, learning what makes her lover moan, what draws a sigh or a pant, elicits a groan or makes her cry out in ecstasy. Sleep is for the lucky few who have more than just the one night with their perfect mates. She cannot afford such a luxury.
***
When the sun finally rises in the newly formed sky, she realizes that she did indeed fall asleep. She opens her eyes, momentarily forgetting what the new day will bring, and she rolls over, reaching out for her goddess.
Her hand touches empty, cold sheets. She sits up and looks around the room in a slight panic. She searches for any sign of her goddess, any indication that she hasn’t left, but that she’s just…making coffee or breakfast, or even using the bathroom.
There’s nothing but an eerie silence, the kind of silence that only happens when there’s no one else in the house. She’s alone. She sits on the bed and her head drops to stare at the sheets as she begins to cry. After a moment, she pulls the other pillow to her, catching the scent of her goddess on the crisp white linen. She hugs it close to her chest, burying her nose into the fabric and inhaling deeply as her tears fall faster. Her eyes burn from the tears and her heart feels as if it will shatter into a million pieces at any moment.
She’s so far gone, she doesn’t register the change in the room. It’s not until she feels a gentle hand on her shoulder that she realizes there’s someone else in the house with her now. Slowly, cautiously, she looks up and…to her utter shock, it’s her goddess standing there.
There’s a look of concern on her goddess’ face and she can’t help but wonder if she’s dreaming now or if she’s finally gone insane and is seeing things.
“Why are you crying baby?” Her goddess asks, her voice is soft, lilting and lyrical.
She doesn’t know how to answer her for a moment. Then she says, her voice a bit shaky from her tears, “You…you weren’t here…”
The goddess reaches her other hand out and cups her face, turning her to look into her deep green eyes. The goddess’ own dark brown orbs stare into the bottomless, watery green depths and she says, her voice thick with sincerity and emotion. “I did intend to leave, that was the deal we had. But after last night…I couldn’t bear to leave you. I thought, after one night, I could move on as I had before, but you touched my heart, my princess. You awakened something inside of me that I thought was dead forever.” The goddess paused a moment, gathering her courage, “When I woke up this morning, and saw you asleep, with the sunlight dancing on your beautiful, peaceful face…I fell in love with you in that moment. I love you, princess and I would very much love to spend the rest of my existence with you…if you’ll have me.” It occurred to the goddess that her princess might have other ideas. That maybe she was fine with just one night and was only upset that she hadn’t said goodbye before slipping out of the apartment.
The goddess held her breath, hoping for what was quickly becoming the impossible…that her princess would welcome her into her life for longer than one night.
She looked at her goddess with a sense of awe and wonder. She had never imagined hearing those words coming from those perfect lips. She needed a moment to process it all and she was thankful when it appeared her goddess would be patient with her.
After a long moment, she leaned forward and kissed her goddess. “I love you too…and you better be certain because I’m not letting you go this time.”
She pulled her goddess closer and, with a skillful move, she finds herself above her goddess, gazing down into those beautiful dark brown eyes. Before she leans down she says, “Last chance…are you sure you want this?”
The goddess looks up at her princess and a slow smile graces her face. She reaches up and places both hands on the face above her. “I am absolutely positive, my princess.”
She smiles, “Good…because now you’re mine and I am not going to ever let you go.” She leans down and seals her vow with a long, slow kiss.
***
The goddess is lying in her princess’ bed, watching as she slept. She once again marveled at the change in her life. In just one night, all of her priorities shifted. She’s never been the commitment type before. She’s always had her fun and moved on, no one lasting in her life or her bed beyond a week at the most.
She had every intention of only having one night with her princess and then moving on…until her heart decided that it was tired of the game and wanted to stay. Until she fell in love with this beautiful, sexy, sweet, perfect woman who would always be…her princess.
And she knew—she hoped—that she would always be her princess’ goddess. She was going to do whatever she needed to do to keep it that way.
The End
Read Reviews
Review 1:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- The protagonist didn’t always respond believably against the backdrop of the story. Ask yourself if people would really answer to a situation in that way. Think about whether the characters’ voices could be more convincing for their age, background, gender, time period, genre, gender and ethnicity. Dialogue should be natural and consistent throughout the story.
Characterization
- Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing.
Character conflict
- Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals and conflicts were clearly conveyed.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The build-up was intriguing and I felt the tension mounting with each word.
Technique and tight writing
- The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice.
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Your strong opening was a promise of wonderful things to come!
General comments from your fellow writer 1:
I loved the fact that the setting was between two women. Now, granted, anybody can write a story that features two women having a love affair but few can pull it off in a way that reminds readers that such an affair is an everyday occurrence. Women who love women are out there, and their love stories are just as relevant.Review 2:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
- Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
- The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Think about the conflict and tension in your story. How effectively has it been introduced?
Technique and tight writing
- When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Atmosphere and description
- A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Great stories, nowadays, start with a powerful opening line and compelling hook in order to keep the reader engaged. Have you baited the reader enough?
General comments from your fellow writer 2:
There is great passion in this story. You convey a situation we can all relate to. It speaks vividly of longing and desire. I imagine you are an experienced and dedicated writer, because the grammar, punctuation, etc, was all spot on. You combine naturalism (sights, smells, etc) with a sort of fairy-tale simplicity, which works well, but I would have liked a bit more characterisation. You didn't really explain what was so compelling about the Goddess. I wanted to feel/understand why the princess was so obsessed by her - so obsessed that she cries hot tears because she thinks the Goddess has gone. But a good story overall. Thank you.Review 3:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot.
Technique and tight writing
- When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice.