‘I've got a monkey on my back,’ Nina said, watching Adam wake up. It was nearly ten o’clock on Saturday morning and they were still in bed.
‘You’ve got a what?’ he said.
‘A monkey. It’s wet.’
‘Is this a weird dream? Am I dreaming?’
‘Holly's put it against my back.’ Holly was their two-year-old collie. She was trying to entice her owners out of bed by offering them a toy.
‘Pink Monkey?’ Adam said, rolling onto his side to face Nina.
‘Yes.’ Nina could smell last night’s wine on his breath, and she wondered if her breath smelled the same. ‘It's cold against my skin.’
‘So move it.’
Nina wriggled. ‘I can’t reach it.’
‘Isn't the duvet covering you?’
‘Not my back. I got too warm.’
‘So Holly's got an eyeful of your nude bum?’
‘Yes.’ Nina laughed.
‘Poor Holly.’
‘What about poor me? It’s soggy.’
‘Your bum?’
‘It is now. But I meant Pink Monkey.’
Adam put his arm across Nina and felt around on top of the bed. Soft fur, saliva-soaked. He closed his fingers around it and held it up. Pink Monkey. Holly had pulled the stuffing out a few weeks ago. It was just a pink rag with a flat face now. Adam swung it loosely back and forth. Holly was standing a few feet from the bed, not moving, focused on Pink Monkey.
‘Ready ... Steady ... Go.’ Adam flung Pink Monkey. It arced out through the bedroom doorway and dropped onto the landing. Holly turned and ran after it. Her paws skidded on the carpet as she snatched Pink Monkey in her jaws and shook it violently.
‘I wish I had Holly’s energy,’ Nina said, and she yawned.
‘She's still a teenager, in human years. Your teenage years are history.’
‘Thanks for that thought.’
‘I’m kidding. You know I’m kidding.’ He tried to hug her but she moved away, pretending to be offended.
‘Don’t you touch me,’ she said. Adam hugged her anyway.
‘You look the same as when we met,’ he said.
Nina knew that wasn’t true. She looked tired. She’d looked particularly tired in recent months. Adam didn’t see it. He’d occasionally joke about her being older, but only because it never occurred to him that she was. He saw her as he’d always seen her, as she was when they were twenty, when her eyes were large and her small mouth always gave way to a large smile. To him her face, her whole manner, was bright, happy, enjoying whatever she was doing, wherever she was doing it, however small or trivial. He saw her being passionate about life, delighting in the life she had, in the life they had, always ready to host a party, although in reality they hadn’t done that in a long time.
Holly padded across the carpet. She placed Pink Monkey on the bed and rested her chin on Nina's hip.
Adam smiled. ‘Hello, Holly. What is it you want? Do you want us to get up?’
Holly lifted her chin and cocked her head to one side.
‘Is that it?’ Adam said. ‘You want us to get up?’
Holly took a few steps backwards and gave a small yelp.
‘I suppose I should,’ Nina said. ‘I've got to see to Storm. I should have let her out for a wee an hour ago.’
Storm was their neighbours' aged spaniel. They were away for the weekend and Nina had said she'd make sure Storm was fed and watered. Storm slept most of the day, so she didn't need much attention.
Holly, getting impatient, picked Pink Monkey up from the bed and shook it again.
Nina altered her position, as if starting to sit up, and then flinched.
‘What is it?’ Adam said.
‘My shoulder.’
‘What's wrong with it?’
‘I've strained it.’
‘Just then?’
‘It hurts.’ Nina rubbed her shoulder.
‘You were all right a minute ago.’
‘I know.’
‘Did you sleep in a funny position?’
‘No, it was yesterday.’
‘You didn't say anything.’
‘Because I'm fed up with moaning about myself.’
‘You don’t moan.’
‘I do. It bores me. There's always something.’
‘Not always.’
‘It feels like there is. I hate getting old.’ Nina opened the bedside drawer, took out a pack of Ibuprofen and swallowed two with water.
Adam turned and drank from the glass on his bedside drawers. ‘Do you want me to see to Storm?’
‘No, it's okay. I need to get up and move around.’
Adam had another drink of water. ‘Sure?’
‘Yes, thank you.’
The bed frame creaked as Nina got out of bed. The thick carpet felt good beneath her feet. She reached for her dressing-gown. Holly wagged her tail, and Nina stroked Holly's head. The room smelled musty. Nina looked around her. The way the room was decorated, the quality of the items, it was all tasteful, but somehow the room seemed wrong that morning. It was as if everything had been shifted slightly by someone with no real interest in how it all fitted together.
‘It's such a shame for Storm,’ Nina said, putting on her slippers. ‘She's so deaf. She doesn't hear me when I go in. She doesn't hear me fill her food bowl. I have to touch her to wake her up, and it startles her.’
‘I know. And she doesn't look old. She's not grey around the muzzle.’
‘Getting old is horrible. In a way, I'm glad Harriet didn't get like that.’ Harriet was their first dog. When she'd died, Nina had been distraught. That's why they got Holly. They still talked about Harriet most days. ‘Imagine if Harriet had been unable to go on her walks. Imagine that. She loved her walks. She lived for her walks.’
‘So does Holly,’ Adam said. He sat up, swung his legs round and put his feet on the floor.
Nina opened the curtains. The sky was low, the clouds dark. She leaned her head back and shook out her long blonde hair. Adam put on his dressing-gown, went across to her and put his arms around her waist. She didn't move.
‘When my fiftieth comes, I'm not staying,’ Nina said. ‘I'm running away.’
‘Where will you go?’ Adam asked, not taking her seriously.
‘Somewhere.’
‘Why?’
Rain spotted the window and thunder rumbled in the distance.
‘Because ... Just because. Because I don't want to celebrate it. I don't want other people celebrating it. It's not a thing to celebrate.’
‘You’re such a drama queen.’ Adam put his tongue in her ear. She pulled away, giggling, enjoying the sudden sound of her own laughter. He licked her nose.
‘Stop it, you big kid. I’ve had enough saliva from Pink Monkey, without yours as well.’ She wiped her nose, smiling at Adam. He believed he was still young, and she liked that. He felt that the best years of his life were still ahead, that he had all the time in the world.
Nina rested her chin on his shoulder, the way Holly had rested her chin on Nina's hip. Nina closed her eyes and breathed in the smell of her husband. She loved his smell.
‘I'm sorry …’ she said, quietly.
Adam waited for her to finish the sentence, and then realised she wasn’t going to. ‘Sorry for what?’ he whispered.
Nina sighed. ‘Sorry that … that we never had children.’