Sign in ›Don't like the weather? Wait.
Don't like the weather? Wait.
I self published a book of Boy Scout Stories accumulated over the last 40 years. This is Chapter 3 - one of the longer ones. It's about one camping trip that found us unprepared.
0Coming-of-age / Young adult fiction
John Questore (United States)
Chapter 3 – Don’t Like the Weather? Wait.
One of our favorite places to go camping is a place called Camp Baker. Camp Baker is about 375 acres of heavily wooded land that the local Boy Scout Council leases from the Army Corps of Engineers (for something like a dollar a year rumor has it). It’s located on the northeast side of the Albemarle Chesapeake Canal and is just a great place to camp. It’s primitive, the only two structures is a two-room outhouse and a covered patio – no running water.
We generally like to camp there right after we have new boys join since it is close to home, has stores locally if needed and isn’t usually crowded. And the landscape and scenery are great.
There are two problems with Baker. The first is that since it’s right off the canal, the mosquitos are usually the size of a Boeing B-52 Stratofortress and have been known to pick up young boys and carry them off. The second – it’s in Virginia and subject to the weather. If you are from here, you’ll understand. If not, read on.
When we go camping, we usually pack up the trailer and leave Friday night around 7pm. We get to camp, setup, maybe start a campfire and just decompress. Then we have our activities all day Saturday, topped off with skits and songs around the campfire, and then taps. Then Sunday, it’s break-down camp, load up the trailer and get back home sometime after noon. We don’t like to get home any earlier because our storage shed is in the Church parking lot and we don’t want to interrupt services.
So, this one weekend in March – around 2008 I believe – we had a camping trip planned for Baker. We met up at the Church, everyone wearing t-shirts and shorts – a picture perfect night. Packed up the gear and headed out.
Got to camp, set up and started a modest fire since we didn’t need heat and we weren’t cooking. It was decided that we would fix some potholes in the camp road as a service project on Saturday. Nothing major, just digging some dirt and gravel from the sides of the road and filling in the largest of the ruts. Because of this, most everyone went to bed early. The adults put out the fire a little later and turned in.
Woke up Saturday morning to the sun shining bright and not a cloud in the sky – t-shirts and shorts again. They were calling for some scattered drizzling throughout the day, but we saw no sign of it as the bacon started to sizzle, the hash-browns started to golden and the coffee flowed. Scrambled up the eggs and enjoyed a great breakfast outdoors. Side note, I don’t know what it is about camping that makes a simple bacon and egg breakfast taste unbelievable, but take my word for it – if you’ve never experienced it, you are missing out.
Anyway, everyone finished breakfast and clean-up, gathered the proper tools and headed up the road. Everyone pitched in and we were making some great progress. One of the adults, Chad, drove further down the road to a clearing and let us load the back of his hatchback with dirt and gravel as well. Looked like it was going to be a very productive day.
As lunch rolled around, a very light drizzle started and a few of the boys decided to put on pants as the temperature was starting to drop a bit. The rain started to come down a little heavier after lunch – not enough to be a nuisance and stop everything, but enough that we had to put on ponchos in order to stay dry.
Dinner rolled around and everyone is now in pants and a jacket. The temperature was now at least 10 degrees cooler than it was in the morning. The rain had let up and we enjoyed dinner and a campfire. As usual, Dave and I dominated the Alphabet Movie game (one person starts with the letter A and needs to name a movie that starts with that letter, then B and so on. If you can’t name a movie, you’re out. The game continues until only one person is left). The campfire died down and everyone headed to bed, wiped out from working.
My alarm went off, I opened my eyes and thought, “Something doesn’t look right”. I noticed a few things from inside my tent that, at that moment, didn’t compute. First, it was dark. Darker than it should have been at 7am, even if there were storm clouds outside. Second, my tent seemed askew. I couldn’t place what looked askew, just that it didn’t look right. And it was a little chilly (although Dave will say it was cold). I got dressed, opened my tent flap and was presented with a beautiful white campsite! Apparently it had snowed while we were asleep. Just about an inch of the fluffy white stuff dropped on us. That explained the darkness and the tent being askew – there was SNOW on top of it.
Well, needless to say, everything was frozen solid. Thanks to the rain on Saturday and the snow, nothing was easy to handle. One of our denim tote bags that we carry our pots in was accidentally left out and had to be defrosted before it could be used. Our tarp for the firewood had blown off and all of it was soaked and covered in snow as well. Chad and I went up to the local store to buy DuraFlame logs just to get some sort of fire going.
There was no call for snow that day, none. Now, I realize the Scout Motto is “Be Prepared”, but we most certainly weren’t prepared for snow. Because of that, I have never seen boys break down a campsite so quickly. They even decided to skip breakfast in order to get out of there faster.
And that brings me to Eddie. Eddie was a slow mover that morning. Very slow. So slow, in fact, that the rest of the boys took it upon themselves to go into his tent, shove all his stuff in his pack, toss it in the trailer and started to take down his tent – with him still inside! He finally got the hint, got dressed and got up – all the while asking when breakfast was going to be. We explained that we were skipping breakfast and leaving early. Eddie asked if we were going to stop on the way home for something to eat. Home is only about 30 minutes away – no we aren’t stopping for something to eat.
We packed up, bugged out and I don’t know about everyone else, but I passed out on the couch for the rest of that Sunday.
Don’t like the weather in Virginia? Wait a few seconds, it’ll change. Only here can you experience all four seasons in a forty-eight hour period.
Read Reviews
Review 1:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- There needs to be more balance between narration and dialogue. Avoid overdoing the narrative and remember that dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
- Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
- The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The first page should introduce some intrigue, something that causes the reader to turn the page. Think about the conflict and tension in your story. How effectively has it been introduced?
Technique and tight writing
- The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
- Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, i.e. who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Ensure you consistently use the same point of view and tense throughout.
Style and originality
- Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line and hook
- Great books, nowadays, start with a powerful opening and compelling hook in order to keep the reader engaged. Have you baited the reader enough?
General comments from your fellow writer 1:
I like camping and it was a cute description of the situation, but the overall feeling was a bit like reading someone's diary. Mainly I want to care what happens and get to know the characters. This feeling could be impacted by being a mid-chapter in the novel. Parts of it were quite funny and made me chuckle. Possibly you could expand on these and make it a truly hilarious read. For example, who is this Eddie character who is very slow? Would love to know more about him, maybe build up his character more. Cute story, keep up the writing!Review 2:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The first page should introduce some intrigue, something that causes the reader to turn the page. Think about the conflict and tension in your story. How effectively has it been introduced?
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
General comments from your fellow writer 2:
"mosquitos are usually the size of a Boeing B-52 Stratofortress" "Don’t like the weather in Virginia? Wait a few seconds, it’ll change. Only here can you experience all four seasons in a forty-eight hour period" - As well as the title name. These two lines are very well written, and you seem to have a good grasp of your environment, when It comes to descriptions. And the balance of dialogue and narration is perfect. However, perhaps it's because I haven't read chapters 1 or 2, but I'm pretty lost as to what the actual story is about. A really well written story about an isolated incident, however it has no compelling plot shoving the story onwards.Review 3:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- There needs to be more balance between narration and dialogue. Avoid overdoing the narrative and remember that dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
- The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The first page should introduce some intrigue, something that causes the reader to turn the page. Think about the conflict and tension in your story. How effectively has it been introduced?
Style and originality
- Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line and hook
- Great books, nowadays, start with a powerful opening and compelling hook in order to keep the reader engaged. Have you baited the reader enough?