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<Through My Eyes-A Zombie Apocalypse Account> Chapter 1
<Through My Eyes-A Zombie Apocalypse Account> Chapter 1
Six high school students face they're worst test yet-A survival test. Join Kathy, Johnny, Jackson, Lillian, Alexandra, and Devin as they test their basic survival knowledge to get away from(and kill) zombies. Will they survive? (Warning-Minor adult situations/swearing)
0Action / Adventure
Kathy Honda (United States)
It was just another boring day in math class. I was sitting in my seat, doing my work like the boring little good girl I was. I was almost finished, unlike the rest of my class, except for one boy. He's my best friend of two years and boyfriend of one. Johnny G., A.K.A, "the one you don't fuck with." He's trained in mixed martial arts, archery, and every other physical activity you can think of. People find it weird that he, the "bad boy that will beat your ass no hestitation," would fall for me, the cute and shy good girl that never drinks, smokes, or misses curfew. But enough about him, lets talk about me. I'm Kathy, and I have about the strength of a spagetti noodle. I'm around five three and I weigh around one twenty. I like my hair short and my skirts long. I can honestly say that even though the class is boring, math has to be my favorite subject. I guess I just find it easy and I can't understand when others genuinely don't get something. But anywho back to the story, hehe! There was an announcement. "There is a state of emergency, please evacuate the school in a safe and orderly fashion. I repeat, there is a state of emergency, please evacuate the school in a safe and orderly fashion." The mic cut out. Then it cut back in, followed by the blood-curdling scream of someone being murdered brutally. The class just kinda sat there in silence for a few minutes. Then we all bolted for the door at the same time, tripping over the desks and each other. Johnny grabbed my hand and led me away from the crowd, holding tightly. Once we were out of harms way, or at least, out of the other kids way, he held me closely, as if he was afraid that I'd run away and get hurt. Which it probably was the reason, but oh well. After a while he let go of me, and without a word, began dragging me the opposite way that the other students were going. "W-Wait! Where are we going?" He turned to look at me and pointed in the direction everyone else was going. "Too crowded. We'd never make it out without getting hurt. This way is safer." "But this way leads to the teachers area. We aren't supposed to go there..." He chuckled and kissed my forehead. "Still as sweet and innocent as you were before. But still, I'm sure that you can make an exception this once, for your own safety. I mean, they sure are." As he said this, he pointed over at a teacher leading a few students through the forbidden area. I had recognised them as teachers' pets. I hated teachers' pets, because all they have to do is kiss up to the teacher and then they're off scott free for almost everything. They're dishonest. "Those are the kiss ups...Of course they can go, they get to do whatever they want." He nodded. "True, true. But you know, no harm in trying right? What's the worst they can do? Send you home? I think everybody's being sent home right now anyways. Everybody's too occupied to worry about a student breaking the rules, you'll be fine. I'll protect you." I smiled. Leave it to Johnny to calm my nerves and reassure me of my safety while at the same time convincing me to do something I really shouldn't. I usually don't go along with it, but I'll just have to make an exception here. I followed him through the forbidden area, with him holding my hand tightly, as if he was scared that I would chicken and run right back to the student area. Throughout the hallway there were bodies on the ground. We assumed that they were dead. After a while, they started getting up. I accidentally knocked something over because I wasn't looking ahead while I was running and they all looked straight at me. I had knocked over a mop bucket and I was lying in the filthy water on the floor clutching the mop. They were walking at a snail's pace towards me and I was still so shocked that they were even moving at all that I didn't think to get up and run away. After it clicked that I should move, they were already close enough for me to reach out and touch them. I scrambled up and ran, but of course, I had to forget that the floor was wet, so I didn't get far before I slipped and fell. Johnny was on the other end of the hallway when all of this happened, so I was pretty much by myself. I swatted at them with the mop as best as I could on my back. After a while I heard Johnny yelling. "GET AWAY FROM HER!!!" He came running at them in a furious sprint, gripping a baseball bat he had found earlier in the hallway. It was only a matter of seconds before they were all battered to the point of being incapable of movement. He stood over the last one panting, while I still layed there, incapable of words or movement. This was one of his separate personalities, I guess you could say. He and I call it "Beast", while everyone else calls it "Lemme get the fuck outta here" or "I messed up big time." It's a part of him that he only lets out when someone he's really close to is in danger. His extremely protective side. I would've been terrified if I didn't know he was protecting me. After a while he came back to his senses and looked around at his handiwork, then turned to look at me. He held his hand towards me to help me up. As he pulled me up, he hugged me and held tight. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have run ahead like that. From now on, hold my hand so that this doesn't happen again." I nodded and held on to him. "Are you hurt? Did they hurt you?" I shook my head. "I'm fine, I was just scared. Thank you for saving me." "You don't have to thank me. What am I supposed to do? Let the love of my life get eaten by a bunch of cannibalistic dead people? I don't think so." I smiled at him and let go. "Well anyways, we should keep going and get outside. This smell is gonna make me pass out soon." He nodded and took my hand and held tightly. We both ran and ran and ran until we made it to the rooftop, where we decided it would be best to look out and see what was going on outside the school. He had me sit down and rest, as I tend to tire quickly.
Okay, so it's been a while that we've been sitting up here. Or well, that I've been sitting up here. He went back down to look for our other friends and take them here. He had me hide away so they don't find me. So while he's away, I'm writing all of this. I don't really have a reason for writing this journal, except that writing calms my nerves and makes me less stressed. Maybe this could even help us figure out what the fuck is going on. The reason I put all that stuff at the beginning about our personalities is because I want whoever finds this journal after we're gone to know why we react the way we did to certain things. Different personalities react different ways. Oh dear, I hope he doesn't read any of this though. He'll freak out over the "after we're gone" part. He'd say "We're not gonna be gone. We're gonna survive this and it'll be over before you know. We've got Beast and a baseball bat, and that's all we need to survive. Don't ever suggest that we won't make it ever again. Because we will." I know him well enough to know that. Okay, gotta put the pen down now, I hear him coming up.
Okay, so it's been a while that we've been sitting up here. Or well, that I've been sitting up here. He went back down to look for our other friends and take them here. He had me hide away so they don't find me. So while he's away, I'm writing all of this. I don't really have a reason for writing this journal, except that writing calms my nerves and makes me less stressed. Maybe this could even help us figure out what the fuck is going on. The reason I put all that stuff at the beginning about our personalities is because I want whoever finds this journal after we're gone to know why we react the way we did to certain things. Different personalities react different ways. Oh dear, I hope he doesn't read any of this though. He'll freak out over the "after we're gone" part. He'd say "We're not gonna be gone. We're gonna survive this and it'll be over before you know. We've got Beast and a baseball bat, and that's all we need to survive. Don't ever suggest that we won't make it ever again. Because we will." I know him well enough to know that. Okay, gotta put the pen down now, I hear him coming up.
Read Reviews
Review 1:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
- The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The first page should introduce some intrigue, something that causes the reader to turn the page. Think about the conflict and tension in your story. How effectively has it been introduced?
Technique and tight writing
- The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
General comments from your fellow writer 1:
An all-action story. " I was almost finished, unlike the rest of my class, except for one boy." You don't need the last bit - it feels awkward. "Heheh" Don't laugh at your own witticisms. If they're funny, the reader will laugh. A good start but it felt a little hurried.Review 2:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
- Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
- The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Your story makes compelling reading.
Technique and tight writing
- When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Atmosphere and description
- A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line and hook
- Great books, nowadays, start with a powerful opening and compelling hook in order to keep the reader engaged. Have you baited the reader enough?
General comments from your fellow writer 2:
Tighten the dialogue and restructure the layout of the ms. Dialogue is easier to follow if it starts on a separate line.Review 3:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- There needs to be more balance between narration and dialogue. Avoid overdoing the narrative and remember that dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text.
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
- The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Technique and tight writing
- When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Style and originality
- Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.