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<The Last Resort Agency> Chapter 2

<The Last Resort Agency> Chapter 2

All MacKenzie wanted was a secure job to help pay her bills and get her ahead of the game of life. What she hadn’t realized was that the job she landed would consume her entire being. The life she desperately wanted was not the life she would have; surrounded by espionage, secret agencies, and the specter of death lurking around every corner, she’ll have to put all her skills to the test because once you’re in…there’s no getting out. When diplomacy fails and all other options are exhausted, there’s only one place to turn to get results and take down America’s enemies…they are the Last Resort Agents. It was just supposed to be a job to pay the bills but it became a life trapped in the clutches of a dark agency with no way out.

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Crime / Suspense / Mystery / Thriller

author-small

Miesha Lowery (United States)


Chapter 2

Mac was pulled from her thoughts by the rising volume of Ms. Covington’s voice as she said, “We’ll go around and introduce ourselves and explain why you joined the Postal Service and one thing we do not know about you. Who wants to go first?” There was a collective sigh and groan coming from the new hires and Mr. Maxwell couldn’t help but laugh a little. He stood up and introduced himself to break the ice.

“So as you already know my name is Andreas Maxwell for those of you in my location you can call me Andreas.” He smiled and all you can see is his perfect white teeth. Mac shook her head as she watched the girls swoon for this guy. He had to be in his 30’s. “I have worked for the postal service for ten years and one thing you don’t know about me is I am born of the Aryan race; the great-great grandson of Adolf Hitler…”

Everyone around the room went dead silent and Macs' eyes bulged out of her head. She looked him directly in the eye and she couldn’t tell if he was joking or not. He laughed hard, “No! I am kidding. I am an only child and I love to sail.”
Everyone finally let a breath out and smiled at what he said. Mac on the other hand couldn’t shake the feeling of something off. But she swallows it and moves on from it.

“Thank you, Mr. Maxwell for your participation even though you didn’t need to scare them like that.” Ms. Covington laughs uncomfortably. “So who wants to go next?”

Some guy stood up and said his name is Mark Lancaster and another girl did the same but Mac droned them out and kept staring at Andreas who was eyeing a pretty dirty blonde girl in the front row. “God, he is literally stripping her naked with his eyes, gross! I mean I do it too sometimes but not in the way he is doing it.”
Mac could not stop staring at the handsome stranger and not because of his looks but what is underneath those looks. Then his eyes snapped to hers and he raised an eyebrow, smirking. “Why is he smirking like that?” she thought to herself before she was ripped out of her thoughts by someone nudging her and she looked up at Ms. Covington.
Mac blinked rapidly, “I apologize,” she stood up and continued. “My name is MacKenzie Connery some people call me Mac or Kenzie. I joined the Postal Service…”
She stumbled over her words as her practiced lie stuck in her throat and refused to surface. Instead she said,
“Honestly, because I needed a secure career that will keep it simple, I mean I know the job won’t be simple but just the atmosphere around it. Plus the benefits help too and being able to grow as a team and an individual in a company that has been around for over a hundred years,” she takes a deep breath. “One thing you don’t know about me is I am writer and I enjoy photography as well. They are both great positive outlets for me especially when I was a teenager.”

She looked around at everyone staring back her and she felt nauseous as she sat back down in her seat. She unconsciously rubbed the back of her neck as she noticed that Ms. Covington gave her an inquisitive look and then the dirty blonde girl that Mr. Maxwell was eyeing was looking directly at her with a smirk on her face. She didn’t know which one pissed her off more. So she just looked straight ahead and kept listening to the rest of the group introducing themselves until it got to the dirty blonde. As she stood up Mac noticed Mr. Maxwell grinning at the young lady.

“Hello my name is Laelynn Leonardo and my interest in the Postal Service is to go beyond my duty by not just delivering mail but to put a smile on peoples’ face by being diligent and on time.” She smirks towards the fellow hires and Mac sighs under her breath, “Suck up.”

Laelynn continues, “One thing you don’t know about me is I come from a bloodline of warriors and I was a Marine for four years.” She cocked an eyebrow towards Mr. Mawell and Ms. Covington and sat down. “I hope she is NOT on my team” Mac thought to herself.

Mr. Maxwell took over the remainder of the orientation as everyone was escorted to a photo booth to take a photo I.D. for the job. As Mac looked on the board again she noticed she was on the same team as the young lady from the Marines. She stood there thinking of ways to avoid her when someone brushed up against her shoulder.

“So I guess we will be at the same location.” She breathed out.

Mac knew who the voice belonged to and didn’t bother making eye contact but responded flatly. “I guess so…”

Laelynn turned around and looked directly at Mac, “Just so you know, I aim to be the best at whatever it is that I do. The Marines were lucky to have a woman like me on their team. I was the best.”

Mac cracked her neck and then turned to face the dirty blonde who was quite attractive but not enough for Mac to falter her words, “…And yet here you are at the Postal Service. That is definitely a downgrade from where you were. I wonder why…” Mac quirked her lips and when Laelynn was about to argue when Ms. Covington began her trek over to the young women and Mac quickly removed herself from the almost never ending banter between them.
“Good day, ma’am.” Mac said as she walked across the room to grab her belongings. What she hadn’t noticed was two things; Laelynn not only giving her the evil eye but was checking her out and Ms. Covington following right behind her.

“Ms. Connery, may I speak with you for a moment about your position.” Mac grabbed the rest of her things and followed the woman back into her office. “Please have a seat; it’ll take a minute of your time.” Mac obeyed.
“We think its’ best for your location to be switched from the Northern Office to the Southern Office. Not only is it closer to your residence but I feel that you will benefit greatly at this location. I believe you’ll succeed far greater.” Mac furrowed her brows but smiled and nodded. Honestly, she was thrilled to be away from Andreas and Laelynn and all the other women from that location. She can sense the drama that will erupt from a week of being there. She was thanking her lucky stars for the switch. Ms. Covington continued, “Just so you know you’ll be the only female postal carrier at this location. Will that bother you?”

Mac rested her hands on her lap, “No ma’am it will not. Thank you for this opportunity, I will not let you down.” Mac made serious eye contact with the older woman in front of her to convey that she meant every word she said and then some but what she didn’t expect was the woman to smile and she had a beautiful smile.

“Thank you, Ms. Connery. Welcome to the Postal Service. Enjoy your weekend and I will see you at 7am on Monday for training.” Ms. Covington stood up as did Mac and she shook her hand and left with her belongings, smiling as she walked past Laelynn and the rest of the group. She heard Mark Lancaster’s name being called by Ms. Covington to come to her office as the door closed behind her. She got to her car and she heard someone clear their throat and she turned around and saw the handsome Mr. Maxwell in his 200 hundred dollar suit and tie hold his hand out for her to shake.

“Hi, I believe we were going to be properly introduced before Elexa Covington stole you away from my team.” She did not want to shake his hand but she forced herself to. She slid her tan hand into his pale one and she felt a cold yet warming sensation pass through her but ignored it.

“MacKenzie. Nice to meet you, maybe we will cross paths once in awhile.” God, she hoped not.

As she pulled her hand from his light grip he nodded and replied, “I am sure we will. Good day.” He walked over to his Black Mercedes Benz and skidded out of the parking lot. She had this feeling of indifference surrounding her as she entered her car and began to drive away. What she didn’t realize was that two people were watching the whole thing go down; Laelynn and Ms. Covington from separate windows and for their own reasons.


Competition: Friendly feedback, Round 1

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Review 1:


Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to mechanics
  • The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
  • Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
  • Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
  • Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
  • Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
  • The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
  • Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
  • The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The first page should introduce some intrigue, something that causes the reader to turn the page. Think about the conflict and tension in your story. How effectively has it been introduced?
Technique and tight writing
  • When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Style and originality
  • Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Opening line and hook
  • Great books, nowadays, start with a powerful opening and compelling hook in order to keep the reader engaged. Have you baited the reader enough?
General comments from your fellow writer 1:
The opening reminded me of every interview I've even been through and just how ghastly it was, so that worked well. The main protagonist is clearly defined and the reader immediately senses something wrong in the set-up. The word limit doesn't give you long to underscore this and I felt that the introduction of several other characters at this stage was a bit confusing. Try for more of a build in the atmosphere so that it's an arc rather than a plateau. Good luck

Review 2:


Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to mechanics
  • The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
  • There needs to be more balance between narration and dialogue. Avoid overdoing the narrative and remember that dialogue can diffuse long claustrophobic text.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
  • Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Plot and pace
  • Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Technique and tight writing
  • When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Style and originality
  • Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Authentic and vivid setting
  • The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
General comments from your fellow writer 2:
Try to avoid superfluous use of words (e.g. sigh & groan - one would probably suffice for us to understand what you're saying) Italics will suffice for thoughts. Using speech marks fro thoughts is confusing for the reader. These are technical points however, I like the conversational writing style, and the nice way that relationships were established (both in the postal room and on the page)

Review 3:


Compelling hook?

Fresh?

Strong characters?

Entertaining?

Attention to mechanics
  • You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
  • Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
  • Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
  • Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
  • Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
  • Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals, conflicts and purpose were clearly introduced and I wanted to find out more about them.
Plot and pace
  • Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot.
Suspense and conflict
  • The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Your story makes compelling reading.
Technique and tight writing
  • The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
  • The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
  • I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice.
Atmosphere and description
  • A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
  • The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being concise and plausible at the same time is tricky. Giving this further attention could perhaps be worthwhile.
Opening line and hook
  • Great books, nowadays, start with a powerful opening and compelling hook in order to keep the reader engaged. Have you baited the reader enough?
General comments from your fellow writer 3:
Overall I found the story pleasing. At the beginning I wasn't sure what time period it was in, but soon realised by the mention of a woman becoming a Marine. It might have been easier if the submission had been the beginning of the book instead of Chapter two, however, the style and content was good. It made me feel like I would like to continue to read the book.