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Revenge is necessary - Chapter 4
Revenge is necessary - Chapter 4
Our serial killer is ready to strike. How will they feel when they have managed to kill. Gratification? Fear? Satisfaction? Our killer is inexperienced at this particular game. How many times will they kill before they begin to like it?
1Crime / Suspense / Mystery / Thriller
G. Rosalyn West (United Kingdom)
Revenge is Necessary – Chapter 4
First Kill Accomplished
Saturday 1st January 2005.
I am running up the last flight of stairs to my apartment, my knees are buckling, my thigh muscles feeling the pain. I grapple in my pocket for the front door key. My breathing is now laboured and rasping. Finding the key I grasp it in my hand. My hands are trembling with excitement and shock. I need both hands to hold the key steady enough to open the door. Thrusting open the door, I quickly enter and shut it behind me. I’m safe now. I can breathe a sigh of relief. A sigh of satisfaction - at last.
“One down and four to go. Oh, Eddie you would have been so proud of me.”
As my breathing abates, I slide down the door, clutching my knees with my arms, my head in my hands. I don’t know how I managed to go through with it – but I did! My heartbeat is thumping in my ears. It reverberates in my throat threatening to choke me. I force myself to take long slow breaths to calm myself. But do I want this calmness? It’s allowing visions of the last two hours to overwhelm me and threaten my sanity.
I can smell the acrid stench of petrol on my hands and the feel of grimy sweat on my face.
BUT NO ONE SAW ME!
I must keep reminding myself – nobody saw me.
Slow breaths, slow breaths, that’s better.
Have you ever experienced a life-changing moment? Probably not one as drastic as mine though. It feels weird when – after years of wondering and months of planning you finally execute the final act. It’s like a jigsaw – you know? You start with a zillion bits of information, and piece by piece they are put in order. Fantastic achievement but it’s the very last piece that gives you the satisfaction of completion – or in my case – closure.
“God! That was better than any orgasmn.”
That’s how I feel after sending Rachel Hardiman to a better place.
“What have you done I hear you say?”
Only what’s right.
Inevitable.
Necessary.
My body’s trembling with suppressed emotion. I know I must try to relax and return to normality.
“What I need now is a scalding, hot shower and some well-earned sleep.”
Even after showering and smelling of my favourite lavender soap, I can’t seem to relax. Sleep evades me. I lean over to the bedside cabinet and slip a pill into my mouth. It won’t be long now.
Images and sounds flash through my mind as I sleep. My head thrashes back and forth trying to rid itself of my ever occurring nightmare.
A slamming door.
Angry voices.
Harsh whispers.
A terrified mumbled begging - a human is whimpering like a beaten dog.
On and on it goes.
The fear evoked in my nightmare tosses my body left and right until – I see myself standing at the top of a flight of stairs. I watch, emotionless, as a tall black shadow tumbles over and over until it reaches the front door.
It’s a man, lying very still, with his head at a comical angle. His eyes open and staring directly as me. Dead eyes. Mouth gaping open in a silent scream.
I jolt upright in my bed, my body bathed in sweat. I’m trembling with fear. Who are these people in my dreams? The darkness of my room is a welcome feeling to the scary memories. I’ve had the same nightmare ever since … well forever really. But over the last few months it’s visited me more frequently. I don’t have any recollection of my early childhood. Are these repressed memories? Or are they portents of things to come?
I look towards the illuminated dial on my alarm clock – it is 4.57am.
It is time to start again.
It is time to prepare for my next act of retribution.
A smile tilts the corners of my mouth.
“It might take weeks of preparation but it will be worth it in the end. I’m almost ready for number two.”
First Kill Accomplished
Saturday 1st January 2005.
I am running up the last flight of stairs to my apartment, my knees are buckling, my thigh muscles feeling the pain. I grapple in my pocket for the front door key. My breathing is now laboured and rasping. Finding the key I grasp it in my hand. My hands are trembling with excitement and shock. I need both hands to hold the key steady enough to open the door. Thrusting open the door, I quickly enter and shut it behind me. I’m safe now. I can breathe a sigh of relief. A sigh of satisfaction - at last.
“One down and four to go. Oh, Eddie you would have been so proud of me.”
As my breathing abates, I slide down the door, clutching my knees with my arms, my head in my hands. I don’t know how I managed to go through with it – but I did! My heartbeat is thumping in my ears. It reverberates in my throat threatening to choke me. I force myself to take long slow breaths to calm myself. But do I want this calmness? It’s allowing visions of the last two hours to overwhelm me and threaten my sanity.
I can smell the acrid stench of petrol on my hands and the feel of grimy sweat on my face.
BUT NO ONE SAW ME!
I must keep reminding myself – nobody saw me.
Slow breaths, slow breaths, that’s better.
Have you ever experienced a life-changing moment? Probably not one as drastic as mine though. It feels weird when – after years of wondering and months of planning you finally execute the final act. It’s like a jigsaw – you know? You start with a zillion bits of information, and piece by piece they are put in order. Fantastic achievement but it’s the very last piece that gives you the satisfaction of completion – or in my case – closure.
“God! That was better than any orgasmn.”
That’s how I feel after sending Rachel Hardiman to a better place.
“What have you done I hear you say?”
Only what’s right.
Inevitable.
Necessary.
My body’s trembling with suppressed emotion. I know I must try to relax and return to normality.
“What I need now is a scalding, hot shower and some well-earned sleep.”
Even after showering and smelling of my favourite lavender soap, I can’t seem to relax. Sleep evades me. I lean over to the bedside cabinet and slip a pill into my mouth. It won’t be long now.
Images and sounds flash through my mind as I sleep. My head thrashes back and forth trying to rid itself of my ever occurring nightmare.
A slamming door.
Angry voices.
Harsh whispers.
A terrified mumbled begging - a human is whimpering like a beaten dog.
On and on it goes.
The fear evoked in my nightmare tosses my body left and right until – I see myself standing at the top of a flight of stairs. I watch, emotionless, as a tall black shadow tumbles over and over until it reaches the front door.
It’s a man, lying very still, with his head at a comical angle. His eyes open and staring directly as me. Dead eyes. Mouth gaping open in a silent scream.
I jolt upright in my bed, my body bathed in sweat. I’m trembling with fear. Who are these people in my dreams? The darkness of my room is a welcome feeling to the scary memories. I’ve had the same nightmare ever since … well forever really. But over the last few months it’s visited me more frequently. I don’t have any recollection of my early childhood. Are these repressed memories? Or are they portents of things to come?
I look towards the illuminated dial on my alarm clock – it is 4.57am.
It is time to start again.
It is time to prepare for my next act of retribution.
A smile tilts the corners of my mouth.
“It might take weeks of preparation but it will be worth it in the end. I’m almost ready for number two.”
Read Reviews
Review 1:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
- The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Your story makes compelling reading.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line and hook
- Your strong opening and compelling hook was a promise of wonderful things to come!
General comments from your fellow writer 1:
What an exciting and intriguing scenario! We are compelled to keep on reading and find out what happens next. Nice writing and clever use of short sentences to increases the suspense. Well done.Review 2:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
- The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Your story makes compelling reading.
Technique and tight writing
- The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
- Point of view helps the reader identify whose perspective we are engaging with, i.e. who is narrating the story. It can sometimes be helpful to double check that the point of view in the story is successfully handled. Ensure you consistently use the same point of view and tense throughout.
Style and originality
- Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Atmosphere and description
- A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line and hook
- Great books, nowadays, start with a powerful opening and compelling hook in order to keep the reader engaged. Have you baited the reader enough?
General comments from your fellow writer 2:
i love the story every once in a while i got lost at what was happening thoughReview 3:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.