Johnny told me he loved me once. That was the last time I saw him. The last time I hugged him. He told me he needed to leave, that he needed to find himself. I guess I just was never enough for him.
***
“Johnny?” I open the big red door to my home. He stands there looking at me with his big golden eyes. I admire his strong features, it’s like he was sculpted by Michelangelo. His old grey T-shirt and shaggy blonde hair only make him look even more attractive. “What are you doing here?”
“I gotta talk to you,” Johnny tells me. If only he could’ve waited until after breakfast, maybe I wouldn’t be wearing these fluffy penguin pajamas… “Can I come in?” He’s fidgeting, shifting the weight of his body from right to left.
“Yeah…” I raise my brow and step aside. “Are you okay?”
“Is anyone home?” He’s avoiding looking at me. It seems like his eyes dart to every object in this small walkway, besides me.
“Yeah, my parents are on the couch watching a movie. We could go say hi.” I suggest. He shakes his head.
“Can we just go talk somewhere private?” He runs his fingers through his thin hair. I nod my head and lead the way to my bedroom. He shuts the door and takes in my messy purple room like it’s the first time he’s ever been in here. I silently wait on my unmade bed as he walks over to my desk. He smiles when he see’s all of my untouched high school assignments. He scans every inch of the walls, the pictures of us, the drawings he gave me, and my giant poster of Captain America. He walks over to the poster and touches it, he mumbles something.
“What was that?” I ask.
“Why do you still have this poster?”
The question throws me off guard. “Because you gave it to me.” He knows this.
“You hate Captain America. I never thought you’d put it on your damn wall, Melanie.”
“But I like you… That’s why I did it.”
“Take it down.”
“What?” I stand up and walk over to him.
“Take the poster down, Melanie.” Johnny’s eyes aren’t soft and sweet anymore, they’re dark and dangerous.
“No.”
“You will take this damn poster down!” He explodes. I wince.
“No, Johnny-” he cuts me off, grasping a corner of the poster and pulling it off of the wall. Half of it falls to the ground and I feel tears fighting to escape. “Johnny! What the hell?” Tears moisten my cheeks and my head falls into my hands. A large sob escapes me and it gets harder to breathe. I look up at him through the tears. His big brown eyes are now soft; he looks almost… regretful. It doesn't last long though, seconds later his eyes are stone cold again.
“J-Johnny.”
“Our friendship is done, Melanie,” Johnny says, like this doesn’t bother him at all. I sob harder. Jonny sighs, his stony look disintegrates once again. “Mel…” He takes a couple steps forward and wraps his arms around me. “I’m sorry.” He walks me over to my bed and sets me down. He rubs my back and I feel the tears slowing. I start to calm down. Johnny kisses my head and takes a deep breath. “I’m leaving.”
“What?” I struggle to speak.
“I can’t stay here anymore.”
“What are you talking about Johnny? I have one more year of high school. We’re going to move to San Diego together, remember?”
“No, Mel. I have to leave, now. I need to find myself. I need to make something of myself. I can’t keep wasting time sitting around this deadbeat town. I won’t.” Johnny stands up and I stare at him, mouth wide open and brows scrunched together.
“I’m really going to miss you, Melanie.”
“Don’t leave.”
“I love you. Remember that.” He stands up and walks out of my room; out of my house; out of my life.
***
Johnny was my best friend, my other half. Over all these years he still crosses my mind. I wish I knew where he went. I wish I had meant more to him. I wish he would’ve found himself in me, in us. Pieces of myself left with Johnny and he doesn’t even know it. I miss him, but I know he does not miss me.