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Revenge is Necessary Chapter 6
Revenge is Necessary Chapter 6
Our killer has just completed her first kill after many months of preparation.
1Crime / Suspense / Mystery / Thriller
G. Rosalyn West (United Kingdom)
Chapter 6 Saturday 8.1.2005 - A job well done.
I smile contentedly, my arms folded, as I stand back to admire my display board. I have carefully arranged a number of white postcards. They are pinned to the board with shiny red drawing pins in a vertical line down the left-hand side. I have written out the names of my victims in black ink and next to each name are their personal details – together with some little quirks that will end up being their downfall. I now need to complete my investigation into victim number two. It will be a thorough search into all their little idiosyncrasies and wrong doings; anything that will make my kill successful and foolproof.
I am very clever you know. My University tutor told me I would undoubtedly succeed in any area I wished to excel. I believed him because he was old and gay and also the only professor who didn’t want to get into my pants.
I tenderly touch the first white card. A card that has now become obsolete; she is dead. I love order and symmetry. It’s the only way to succeed.
I stare at that white card pinned to the top of my board. I look into the eyes of my first victim – Rachael Hardiman. Her photo shows the face of a pretty young woman with a curly blond ponytail bobbing in the breeze. Wisps of hair escape the band and blow around her delicate features. Her bright starched nurse’s uniform is clasped around her knees as she sits on the ground with a group of other similarly dressed girls. Someone must have said something amusing because Rachael’s eyes were sparkling with laughter. She didn’t have a care in the world – that day. She looked so happy the day I took her picture with my special telephoto lens. She was sitting in the park with her friends - all laughing and joking – enjoying a short respite from their hectic day on the wards of one of London’s foremost teaching hospitals. Shame really – she had the makings of a fine nurse.
Spread out to the right of her photo, like a giant paper fan, was all the information I’d collected from a thousand sources. I was able to use all these snippets to devise my foolproof plan.
Where did I get my information from I hear you say?
My degree at University was in Computer Sciences. I had dozens of nerdy friends who would hack into each others computers just for the hell of it. I was as nerdy as they were, but I now use my skills for more serious purposes. It’s not my fault that people are careless with their passwords. Some use the same password for everything – how stupid is that!
I have used my time wisely and discovered everything there is to know about Miss Rachael Hardiman. Hacking into the records of the college where she attended her nurse training was a piece of cake. Her grades were excellent which is how I have come to the conclusion that she would have made an excellent nurse. Notice I said would have? Her personal life was virtually non existent and she was so squeaky clean it would make it so easy for me to do what I had to do.
The final part of my plan was so simple. I followed her around for a week before Christmas. I found out what shifts she would be working and noted where she parked. The hospital car park was always full to bursting, so she always parked down a dark side road near the hospital with no CCTV in sight; another stroke of luck. I knew exactly where her brake cables were on her old car – I’d looked it up on the internet. A very sharp knife was all I needed. It was New Years Eve and all that was left for me to do was to wait for her to run to her car. She was dashing off with all the excitement of a young girl about to join her wonderfully generous uncle for a New Years Eve celebration.
I’d planned it perfectly. Every other weekend she would visit her Uncle, Michael Hardiman, in Sussex, and you know how treacherously steep the country lanes are over the South Downs don’t you? On that fateful night I followed her and waited for her to crash. Oh it was spectacular. She drove quite well for someone so young. Expertly twisting and turning the wheel, her speed increasing before finally sliding up the side of the bank, slamming into a tree and demolishing the windscreen with her head. I slowed down and stopped my car about twenty metres short of the crash site. I needed to make sure we were absolutely alone before I completed my task. I couldn’t risk her surviving so I splashed a milk bottle full of petrol onto the body through the smashed windscreen - one match was all it took. Up she went – a fireball in the middle of nowhere. From a distance it would look like one of many celebrations of the approaching New Year. Once the fire was well underway I drove home feeling a surge of excitement beating in my chest.
This had all happened a week ago. I am much calmer now. I look at my display board once again before collecting the fan of cards that culminated in the demise of Rachel Hardiman; I shuffle them neatly into a pile and slip them into a large brown envelope with her picture on the front. I pull out the top drawer of my filing cabinet and I file it under H. The only thing left to do now, and I do need this particular closure, is to monitor her Uncle’s reactions to the death of his niece - the beloved niece he doted on.
Standing a little aside from the main crowd of mourners – just to the left of an old oak tree, I observe the once tall, proud figure of Mr. Michael Hardiman, sobbing over the coffin. I have always thought him to be a giant of a man with a wonderful taste in clothes, always meticulously dressed and smelling of very expensive aftershave. He looked smaller than I remembered, shrunken, crumpled, dejected - less powerful. I smile.
‘That’s right, Mr Michael Hardiman, suffer. Suffer as I have. Now you know just how it feels.
I smile contentedly, my arms folded, as I stand back to admire my display board. I have carefully arranged a number of white postcards. They are pinned to the board with shiny red drawing pins in a vertical line down the left-hand side. I have written out the names of my victims in black ink and next to each name are their personal details – together with some little quirks that will end up being their downfall. I now need to complete my investigation into victim number two. It will be a thorough search into all their little idiosyncrasies and wrong doings; anything that will make my kill successful and foolproof.
I am very clever you know. My University tutor told me I would undoubtedly succeed in any area I wished to excel. I believed him because he was old and gay and also the only professor who didn’t want to get into my pants.
I tenderly touch the first white card. A card that has now become obsolete; she is dead. I love order and symmetry. It’s the only way to succeed.
I stare at that white card pinned to the top of my board. I look into the eyes of my first victim – Rachael Hardiman. Her photo shows the face of a pretty young woman with a curly blond ponytail bobbing in the breeze. Wisps of hair escape the band and blow around her delicate features. Her bright starched nurse’s uniform is clasped around her knees as she sits on the ground with a group of other similarly dressed girls. Someone must have said something amusing because Rachael’s eyes were sparkling with laughter. She didn’t have a care in the world – that day. She looked so happy the day I took her picture with my special telephoto lens. She was sitting in the park with her friends - all laughing and joking – enjoying a short respite from their hectic day on the wards of one of London’s foremost teaching hospitals. Shame really – she had the makings of a fine nurse.
Spread out to the right of her photo, like a giant paper fan, was all the information I’d collected from a thousand sources. I was able to use all these snippets to devise my foolproof plan.
Where did I get my information from I hear you say?
My degree at University was in Computer Sciences. I had dozens of nerdy friends who would hack into each others computers just for the hell of it. I was as nerdy as they were, but I now use my skills for more serious purposes. It’s not my fault that people are careless with their passwords. Some use the same password for everything – how stupid is that!
I have used my time wisely and discovered everything there is to know about Miss Rachael Hardiman. Hacking into the records of the college where she attended her nurse training was a piece of cake. Her grades were excellent which is how I have come to the conclusion that she would have made an excellent nurse. Notice I said would have? Her personal life was virtually non existent and she was so squeaky clean it would make it so easy for me to do what I had to do.
The final part of my plan was so simple. I followed her around for a week before Christmas. I found out what shifts she would be working and noted where she parked. The hospital car park was always full to bursting, so she always parked down a dark side road near the hospital with no CCTV in sight; another stroke of luck. I knew exactly where her brake cables were on her old car – I’d looked it up on the internet. A very sharp knife was all I needed. It was New Years Eve and all that was left for me to do was to wait for her to run to her car. She was dashing off with all the excitement of a young girl about to join her wonderfully generous uncle for a New Years Eve celebration.
I’d planned it perfectly. Every other weekend she would visit her Uncle, Michael Hardiman, in Sussex, and you know how treacherously steep the country lanes are over the South Downs don’t you? On that fateful night I followed her and waited for her to crash. Oh it was spectacular. She drove quite well for someone so young. Expertly twisting and turning the wheel, her speed increasing before finally sliding up the side of the bank, slamming into a tree and demolishing the windscreen with her head. I slowed down and stopped my car about twenty metres short of the crash site. I needed to make sure we were absolutely alone before I completed my task. I couldn’t risk her surviving so I splashed a milk bottle full of petrol onto the body through the smashed windscreen - one match was all it took. Up she went – a fireball in the middle of nowhere. From a distance it would look like one of many celebrations of the approaching New Year. Once the fire was well underway I drove home feeling a surge of excitement beating in my chest.
This had all happened a week ago. I am much calmer now. I look at my display board once again before collecting the fan of cards that culminated in the demise of Rachel Hardiman; I shuffle them neatly into a pile and slip them into a large brown envelope with her picture on the front. I pull out the top drawer of my filing cabinet and I file it under H. The only thing left to do now, and I do need this particular closure, is to monitor her Uncle’s reactions to the death of his niece - the beloved niece he doted on.
Standing a little aside from the main crowd of mourners – just to the left of an old oak tree, I observe the once tall, proud figure of Mr. Michael Hardiman, sobbing over the coffin. I have always thought him to be a giant of a man with a wonderful taste in clothes, always meticulously dressed and smelling of very expensive aftershave. He looked smaller than I remembered, shrunken, crumpled, dejected - less powerful. I smile.
‘That’s right, Mr Michael Hardiman, suffer. Suffer as I have. Now you know just how it feels.
Read Reviews
Review 1:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
- Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals, conflicts and purpose were clearly introduced and I wanted to find out more about them.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Your story makes compelling reading.
Technique and tight writing
- The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice.
Atmosphere and description
- A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line and hook
- Your strong opening and compelling hook was a promise of wonderful things to come!
General comments from your fellow writer 1:
Wow! Engaging from the first sentence! Your character was compelling and I didn't want to stop reading. It needs a second round of editing but, overall, well done!Review 2:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Technique and tight writing
- When writing is tight, economical and each word has purpose, it enables the plot to unravel clearly. Try and make each individual word count.
Style and originality
- Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose is tricky. As writers, we face the daunting task of making sure we are not being predictable. Can you find a way to give the content and characters more of a unique edge? Perhaps say something boldly, something fresh or show an unorthodox approach to a topic?
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
General comments from your fellow writer 2:
You've devised a convincingly nasty and twisted character, and the story about the poor nurse's demise was well paced. However, your writing lacks polish and some of the details were plain silly (cars haven't used cables for their main brakes for years, and even then you wouldn't have cut them with a knife however sharp it was).Review 3:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
- Your protagonist exhibited a unique voice and had original characteristics. Their actions and dialogue were convincing!
Character conflict
- Your characters drew me into their world from the very beginning. Their goals, conflicts and purpose were clearly introduced and I wanted to find out more about them.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a challenging balancing act. The story had a clear and coherent progression with a structured plot.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. Your story makes compelling reading.
Technique and tight writing
- The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice.
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Opening line and hook
- Your strong opening and compelling hook was a promise of wonderful things to come!