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My Animal Shadow
My Animal Shadow
A girl and her best friend. A very short story.
0Literary fiction
Megan Landman (South Africa)
“Angela, get up! You only have 30 minutes to get ready for school and don’t forget to feed Lilo before you leave!” As I slowly open my eyes, I see Lilo staring at me. I swear this cat controls my mother’s thoughts and that is why I get these constant reminders from her every morning. “Yes Ma!” I shout back, “between you and this fat cat, how could I forget?!” I scratch Lilo’s cute grey ears, “Come on fatso, let’s go get some breakfast.”
As I walk to the kitchen, Lilo follows closely behind me. She has been like this ever since she was a kitten; she is my animal shadow and my best friend. No matter what I do she is always around. She sits with me when I watch TV, she watches me do the dishes. She often waits outside the bathroom door when I take a bath. She even hates homework as much as I do; she is constantly pushing my pens off of the desk or just rudely sitting right on top of my books. My favourite though, is that she even walks me home after school. She sits and waits on the wall at the end of the road and as I round the corner I can hear her meow, it’s almost as if I can hear her say “hey you human! How was your day? Huh? Huh? Huh? Tell me, anything good happen? Let’s walk and talk”. And we do, well I talk and we both walk. I look forward to this every day.
I realize what time it is and grab my school bag, I run past my mom and quickly hug her “Bye Ma, see you a bit later!” she squeezes me tightly “Alright sweetie, please don’t forget your rain jacket. The weather forecast says there will be a bad storm today.” So I grab my jacket and head off to school.
Moms are always right. A bit later that day the most incredible storm clouds came over and the winds picked up. A ferocious storm hit our city; it was almost as if the sky was at war with the earth. I am not sure who won that war but as I walked home from school I could see the wounds that the earth had suffered. Entire branches were ripped from the trees; entire fields of grass were now swamps. As I neared the corner where my animal shadow normally waited for me, my heart sank. The wall where she normally sits had been damaged by the storm. Where would she wait for me now? She wasn’t there. “Lilo! My fatso, where are you?” I called this out the whole way home. There was no response.
_____________________________________________
“Angela, get up! You only have 30 minutes to get ready for school.” I hear my mother’s voice, my morning wake up call. I have been awake for a while though, it has been two weeks since the storm and Lilo still has not come home. My world is just not the same. I miss my shadow but when it is dark you cannot see your shadow and with Lilo gone, my world feels dark. Mom says that she will come back and I leave food for her by the wall every day. A world without a shadow is a lonely place and one day I hope that the memory of my furry, fluffy and purring friend will cast enough light for me to find mine again.
As I walk to the kitchen, Lilo follows closely behind me. She has been like this ever since she was a kitten; she is my animal shadow and my best friend. No matter what I do she is always around. She sits with me when I watch TV, she watches me do the dishes. She often waits outside the bathroom door when I take a bath. She even hates homework as much as I do; she is constantly pushing my pens off of the desk or just rudely sitting right on top of my books. My favourite though, is that she even walks me home after school. She sits and waits on the wall at the end of the road and as I round the corner I can hear her meow, it’s almost as if I can hear her say “hey you human! How was your day? Huh? Huh? Huh? Tell me, anything good happen? Let’s walk and talk”. And we do, well I talk and we both walk. I look forward to this every day.
I realize what time it is and grab my school bag, I run past my mom and quickly hug her “Bye Ma, see you a bit later!” she squeezes me tightly “Alright sweetie, please don’t forget your rain jacket. The weather forecast says there will be a bad storm today.” So I grab my jacket and head off to school.
Moms are always right. A bit later that day the most incredible storm clouds came over and the winds picked up. A ferocious storm hit our city; it was almost as if the sky was at war with the earth. I am not sure who won that war but as I walked home from school I could see the wounds that the earth had suffered. Entire branches were ripped from the trees; entire fields of grass were now swamps. As I neared the corner where my animal shadow normally waited for me, my heart sank. The wall where she normally sits had been damaged by the storm. Where would she wait for me now? She wasn’t there. “Lilo! My fatso, where are you?” I called this out the whole way home. There was no response.
_____________________________________________
“Angela, get up! You only have 30 minutes to get ready for school.” I hear my mother’s voice, my morning wake up call. I have been awake for a while though, it has been two weeks since the storm and Lilo still has not come home. My world is just not the same. I miss my shadow but when it is dark you cannot see your shadow and with Lilo gone, my world feels dark. Mom says that she will come back and I leave food for her by the wall every day. A world without a shadow is a lonely place and one day I hope that the memory of my furry, fluffy and purring friend will cast enough light for me to find mine again.
Read Reviews
Review 1:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- The grammar, typography, sentence structure and punctuation would benefit from a further round of editing to avoid distracting from the quality of the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Make sure your characters are multidimensional. Do they have strengths and weaknesses? Mere mortals make the most interesting stories because they are like you and me and we are able to empathize with their journey. That’s how the connection with a character is formed.
Main character
- Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The build-up was intriguing and I felt the tension mounting with each word.
Technique and tight writing
- The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice.
Atmosphere and description
- A writer’s ability to create mood and atmosphere through evocative description is vital to the reader’s experience. It’s a real skill to craft out how the characters react to the setting and atmosphere and perhaps your story could go further in its description. The reader wants to experience the same sensory and poignant journey as the characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The scene needs to be vivid and realistic in order to hold the reader’s attention. Being concise and plausible at the same time is tricky. Giving this further attention could perhaps be worthwhile.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Great stories, nowadays, start with a powerful opening line and compelling hook in order to keep the reader engaged. Have you baited the reader enough?
General comments from your fellow writer 1:
I really enjoyed the concept for this. It was simple, and that's a shame. This is more of a commentary on this system of story judging, but this website seems to ask for writings to make an incredibly complex piece in just 1,500 words. It's difficult for professional, and it's even more so for amateurs. Nonetheless, despite from some of the bubbles I chose, I thought your writing was pretty good for the elementary concept. It was a refreshing story about a girl and her relationship cut-short with her cat. Given that, this story could've done better with some expansion. Yes, I said before: the website only allows 1,500 words, but you still need to take advantage of what they do give you. The story could've been so much better if you expanded on the main character or even her cat. Give them quirks and traits. I saw a few peak in with the protagonist, but it wasn't enough. Still, I do have to praise you for building a nice relationship with the protagonist and her cat. It was endearing. Also be sure to check your grammar. Comma's are tricky, but if you look up a few tricks, it isn't so hard to master. The last thing I probably would say is to work on your hook. First impressions are everything, and I would've liked to see a stronger one.Review 2:
Compelling hook?
Fresh?
Strong characters?
Entertaining?
Attention to mechanics
- You demonstrate a professional quality of writing throughout the story.
Narration and dialogue: Balance
- Your story struck a good balance between narration and authentic dialogue.
Narration and dialogue: Authentic voice
- Your characters’ voices were convincing and authentic.
Characterization
- Your characters were multidimensional. I found them believable and engaging and they genuinely responded to the events of the story.
Main character
- Connect us to your main protagonist with a deeper characterization. Could your protagonist have a few more distinguishing character traits?
Character conflict
- The reader’s experience of the story is heightened when the characters’ goals, conflicts and purpose are clear. Perhaps giving this aspect of the story further attention could be worthwhile.
Plot and pace
- Maintaining the right pace and sustaining the reader’s interest is a difficult balancing act. Are you sure all the material is relevant to the plot, setting and atmosphere? Make sure each sentence makes sense to the reader, and each paragraph moves their experience forward.
Suspense and conflict
- The joy of reading often lies in the element of suspense prompted by internal or external conflicts. The build-up was intriguing and I felt the tension mounting with each word.
Technique and tight writing
- The writing was tight and economical and each word had purpose. This enabled the plot to unravel clearly. Your writing exhibits technical proficiency.
Point of view
- The story successfully solicited the reader’s empathy through the clever use of the narrator's point of view. You show great deftness in handling point of view.
Style and originality
- I loved your fresh approach. Creating a unique writing style while maintaining quality of prose requires both skill and practice.
Atmosphere and description
- Your story was a feast for the senses. The atmosphere wrapped itself around me and transported me onto the page alongside your characters.
Authentic and vivid setting
- The setting was realistic and vivid. The characters’ mood and emotions were conveyed successfully through the believable setting.
Opening line, paragraph and hook
- Your strong opening was a promise of wonderful things to come!